What do you do when you encounter these situations? A lot of people pass judgement and blame the parents, but for my son, it is beyond his control. He hears things we don't and gets overwhelmed with all the stimuli. I think for me it is easier for a stranger to ask a question then glare and pass judgement. I will gladly answer any questions but I am not a mind reader. It is important for people to understand what is going on. It took me almost four years to remotely understand my son and it is still a struggle for me. Please, if you are in the store and a child is seemingly having a really rough time, take the moment to consider the possibilities of what is going on.
I know I must seem ranty today and maybe I am but there are a lot of issues laying on my mind. I am a mother with a special needs child, but what classifies your child as special needs? Do they have to have a special plan in school or a diagnosis? Is gifted classified as special needs or are they just smart ass kids with very lucky parents who have no right or reason to complain?
I feel that gifted children fall right into the same category as my son. They are very smart, but so is my son, he just can't show you how smart he is. A gifted child has the same socialization issues as my son and for very similar reasons. They cannot connect cause typical children seem odd. What is your opinion? Can Gifted children be grouped in with Special needs?
My sister has two gifted boys and she struggles every day with them. Her oldest is extremely smart but wants to do everything his way. He is extremely intuitive and constantly asking questions. I think she must hear the word mom about 50 times every 10 minutes. Nothing keeps the youngest's interest for more than 5 minutes. Buying toys for them, well I have the same problem. For her she wants to find something they will be engrossed with and enjoy and for me I want to find something that my son will be productive with. No, being productive is not lining the books across the living room floor.
There are so many likelihoods between my sister's kids and mine. I like to say we are like an umbrella. She has the top and I am somewhere in the middle. Our children have similar quirks but, hers are gifted, mine has autism. Just to clear this one up, my son is not dumb. He is very smart. Most children with autism are very smart. It is just harder to access it all and they cannot process everything.
Gifted children tend to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about feelings. My son will do the same thing occasionally. The other day we had friends over and they brought a delicious chocolate cake. My son looked at the girl and told her he couldn't eat it all cause he would get fat like her. I tried to tell him that wasn't nice but he didn't understand. My other sister said I Love You on the phone and he said OK. She was a little offended because the typical response would be I love you too... but my son needs prompting still.
Gifted children are in many ways a special needs child. They learn differently, think differently and are emotionally and socially adrift. Think about that when you tell another parent they are so lucky when they mention gifted. I do!!!
7 comments:
I think gifted children can be grouped in a catagory too. They have their own world, just like special needs children. They too are often miss understood.
As for sensory seeking in a store..my son is the same way. He gave a kiss to a car in the parking lot because he liked it. We got a lot of odd stares...but who cares. He had a melt down in the middle of a store because the clerk told him he could not have 2 samples of oreos.
I HATE stares from others. I wish they would stop whispering behind our backs, or calling me a bad mom, and Ask why my son does things. Like you I believe just asking why he does what he does is so much better.
The world needs to be more accepting of differences. After all.. truly, is there such thing as normal? We all are unique in our own way... we all are different from eachother.. have our own ticks.. and things that make us go.
I appreciate this. I really do. Raising kids is much harder when they refuse to be raised lol. My kids are pretty sure they have it all figured out. Kinda sad sometimes, to know your child doesn't experience the wonder other children do. They look it up, master it ad move on. Anyway, thanks. Great post
This is a well-written and thought provoking post. You are so right. I was considered gifted. In fact, they wanted me to skip two grades in school, but my parents chose not to do that (thank God). However, I was always disconnected from my peers. It is probably quite similar to what a child with Asperger's must feel. I always got on better with adults than with people my own age.
As I have read your post about your child, I find myself relating to him. I struggle with social situations, I am very awkward and almost non-communitive around people. I am usually caught up in my own world and find it difficult to communicate my feelings and thoughts. I have never been labeled as gifted nor autisitc, but find myself relating to both categories. Some how I feel drawn to autistism. I seem to understand it. Though I may not spin in circles at the checkout, I find myself getting those stares of being a freak of nature. Stares I have had all my life.
I find myself coming back to your blog and appreciating the fact I'm not alone with how I feel or who I am. Thank you so much for sharing your stories.
Hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas or have a Happy Holiday.
Thank you again.
That could have been our 10 year old daughter, who has Asperger's Syndrome.
She had a meltdown in WalMart and went running as fast as she could away from me , across WalMart, and screaming at the top of her lungs. *sigh* I've had 3 T.I.A's and running isn't something I can do these days. Our 11 year old granddaughter chased her for me as I brought up the rear. I was crying. The looks of horror on the faces of those people as they watched us will never leave my mind's eye. While we were driving home the granddaughter said "Mommy, that really embarrassed me".
Ignore their ignorance or help them understand because I think we all pass judgment at times, its human nature.
Sorry- I just saw your entry now!
I agree- we never really know what is going on. I'm sure that my son has been judged many times by people who have no clue. I'm sure I've been judged as a mom- why don't I just correct his behavior and move on? If only it were that easy.
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