Autism As A Whole

Now that the holidays are over, How did yours go? Did you have endless meltdowns or did it go better than expected? I think this is a great blog hop hosted by Adventures in Extreme Parenthood. I think I might add a little thought about how the aftermath f the holidays have been.

Let me explain why... Chucky.... (minus the cheese for this one...) tolerated Christmas very well. We even went to a family dinner and we didn't have any melts. Amazing right? Don't get over excited yet ok... He did wonderful while we were there but lost it after we got home and Christmas day went OK too... There were a couple melts but nothing atypical. Couple days later a maniac entered my home, with inconsolable tantrums and problems sleeping. Today, well lets just say after I picked him up from his dad's house he had a 20 min meltdown. We made his bed with a new comfy and sat in his calm room. He was fine then. I think with some preparation our holidays went well but the aftermath of all the activity will still hit you so good luck with that.

How does your family celebrate the holidays?
The holidays for us are pretty simple. We get a tree decorate it, listen to music (which is almost impossible with my son), and enjoy each other. We make visits to loved ones the day before and stay home on Christmas day.

What changes have you had to make due to raising children with special needs?
The noise level is quieter and my son can open gifts when he is ready. A lot of times he gets overwhelmed. This year I bought less items but they were more expensive. It worked out better for both of us. He plays with what he got and i am not tripping on useless toys that he lines up in the middle of the floor. LOL

If you'd like to join the "Different but not less" holiday blog hop you can do so by writing your own blog post about how your family celebrates the holiday season while balancing the needs of your child with autism or another special medical condition.

Simply add your name (or your blog name) and the URL to your blog post in the Mr. Linky located on her page  and we can visit each other's blogs and share ideas, tips, and inspiration.

Lets get hopping!

How are family gatherings for you with your special needs child? Do you cringe like I do with the thought of going to someone else's house and around a bunch of people? These things are actually kinda scary for me. Then I have to wonder how he will react to things. Will he say thank you and smile when given a present? Will he have a major melt on their kitchen floor? Are these normal concerns? How do you prepare for holiday gatherings?

Yesterday we went to a family dinner, I know scary right? Actually the dinner part went really well and my sister was sure to have a drink that Charlie could have and would like. This shows some awareness and I am so grateful for that. She even made sure that he had a quiet place to go when he felt overwhelmed. She is really good with him. They used their best China (paper plates) which worked wonderful. Not only did it save her on dishes but it made it easier for Charlie cause he didn't have to deal with the noises from the silverware on glass plates. Whew, one more accommodation that, although there were other reasons for it, made it easier for him to cope with the gathering. My sister even turned the music off so that Charlie could eat at the table without his head phones.

Charlie did extremely well last night. I was impressed. He sat at the table and attempted to eat. He ate a lot of sweet potatoes and even attempted to try the Manicotti. Dinner was great very tasty, and it even included a little conversation. Some of this provided by Charlie telling his Auntie that he could eat sweet Potatoes all day long. Mind you he said this quite loud but nobody seemed to mind. Hey, it is better than him screeching or crying right? He then retreated to a room by himself to play in a quiet zone. He was playing with my nephews stuffed animals and talking to himself. It was really cute.

Present time, which happened before dinner was interesting. My kids sat down together to open presents and Charlie was opening but not really excitedly and not paying much attention to what he was opening. It appeared that he wasn't happy with it and that made my sister question her choice for him. Just so you know, he loved it. He just can't express it. He didn't smile, just took his box and walked away. No thank you or anything. I know, that was my big concern. Was he going to appear to be rude or ungrateful?

My sister, a little thrown off my Charlie's reaction, or lack of, decided to take him to a quiet place and open the box. They went into another room and opened it. It was a huge Sponge Bob floor puzzle. The floor puzzles have been an all around wonderful gift for Charlie that he enjoys a lot. His Auntie has been getting him them cause he enjoys them so much. It has kind of become a traditional gift for the two of them. I haven't told her, but I thought about purchasing one for Charlie for Christmas and opted not to in hopes that she would get him another one. She did and when they sat down together to put it together he was so happy. The evening went spectacular at her house.

The over stimulation really kicked in when we left. He had a melt down in the car because we unbuckled him and he couldn't find one of his stuffies. It is ok... we found it. *sigh* When we got home he flipped because he was asleep and we unbuckled him. Oh My he was kicking his feet and screaming like crazy. I wonder what the neighbors thought. Wait, they are accustomed to it now. LOL.. I remember when we first moved here and after a month the lady across the street asked me if everything was OK over here.

I tried really hard to calm him and pick him up but his arms and legs were thrashing inside the car and it was not possible. Meanwhile his sister was sitting on the other side of the seat dodging the feet that were flying towards her face. I, overwhelmed by this, yelled at her to get out. Looking back on the situation, I know that she was probably just as overwhelmed as I was and couldn't process getting out of the car. My boyfriend lifted him out of the car and I looked for the stuffie. I found it and brought it inside.

There in the foyer, was my son screaming at the top of his lungs. I picked him up and rocked him back and forth. He was still so upset so I proceeded to carry this screaming and kicking child up the stairs. I put him in bed and eventually he calmed down and went to sleep. I can't say that was the end because he woke up screaming in a complete night terror mode at 3:30 am. This lasted for an hour and a half. We fell asleep together but I was on the bottom of the bed because he did not want to be touched.

The gathering went very well and I guess even though I felt the aftermath, my son was able to keep it all together for the party. It shows that he is comfortable to let loose while at home and maybe he is learning how to control his behavior in public. All, I know is I was overwhelmed and tired but, I am proud of my son and his strength to get through  such a stimulating event.

Have you ever been in a store and saw a kid screaming on the ground and thought about what hi/her parents were doing wrong? That may have been my son. What about when the child is repetitively spinning and bumping into you at the checkout? Yup, Could have been my son again. Do you remember the little boy that was rubbing your micro fiber pants in the store? Definitely my son!!!

What do you do when you encounter these situations? A lot of people pass judgement and blame the parents, but for my son, it is beyond his control. He hears things we don't and gets overwhelmed with all the stimuli. I think for me it is easier for a stranger to ask a question then glare and pass judgement. I will gladly answer any questions but I am not a mind reader. It is important for people to understand what is going on. It took me almost four years to remotely understand my son and it is still a struggle for me. Please, if you are in the store and a child is seemingly having a really rough time, take the moment to consider the possibilities of what is going on.

I know I must seem ranty today and maybe I am but there are a lot of issues laying on my mind. I am a mother with a special needs child, but what classifies your child as special needs? Do they have to have a special plan in school or a diagnosis? Is gifted classified as special needs or are they just smart ass kids with very lucky parents who have no right or reason to complain?

I feel that gifted children fall right into the same category as my son. They are very smart, but so is my son, he just can't show you how smart he is. A gifted child has the same socialization issues as my son and for very similar reasons. They cannot connect cause typical children seem odd. What is your opinion?  Can Gifted children be grouped in with Special needs?

My sister has two gifted boys and she struggles every day with them. Her oldest is extremely smart but wants to do everything his way. He is extremely intuitive and constantly asking questions. I think she must hear the word mom about 50 times every 10 minutes. Nothing keeps the youngest's interest for more than 5 minutes. Buying toys for them, well I have the same problem. For her she wants to find something they will be engrossed with and enjoy and for me I want to find something that my son will be productive with. No, being productive is not lining the books across the living room floor.

There are so many likelihoods between my sister's kids and mine. I like to say we are like an umbrella. She has the top and I am somewhere in the middle. Our children have similar quirks but, hers are gifted, mine has autism. Just to clear this one up, my son is not dumb. He is very smart. Most children with autism are very smart. It is just harder to access it all and they cannot process everything.

Gifted children tend to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about feelings. My son will do the same thing occasionally. The other day we had friends over and they brought a delicious chocolate cake. My son looked at the girl and told her he couldn't eat it all cause he would get fat like her. I tried to tell him that wasn't nice but he didn't understand. My other sister said I Love You on the phone and he said OK. She was a little offended because the typical response would be I love you too... but my son needs prompting still.

Gifted children are in many ways a special needs child. They learn differently, think differently and are emotionally and socially adrift. Think about that when you tell another parent they are so lucky when they mention gifted. I do!!!

If This Is Motherhood recently posted a blog about describing your gifted or special needs child so that it would be easier to explain to the teachers how they can help your child. I thought it would be a great and insightful exercise  to participate in and I encourage others to join along as well. It might be more effective to give the teachers a descriptive of your child to educate them on how to teach them. What do you think? I challenge you to hop on board and join the linksy.

I guess we can't complain about the public school system if we are not willing to look for solutions. I advocate strongly for my son and even though at times I do not feel as if my son's teacher even cares to listen, I know that I have done everything I could do to make his schooling experience as individualized as possible. I gave them the knowledge to teach my son. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. If you don't tell them what the child needs then they guess throughout the year. At least I pointed them in the right direction. That is my job, it is their job to follow through on it.

My son is four years old and ... wow, this is harder than I thought. Charles loves to build and do puzzles. He is a visual learner and works best with hands on work. It is best to visually show him what you expect him to do then just give a verbal direction. He needs a lot of redirection. Sometimes it may seem that he is not listening  as he tends to zone off into his safe world. It is beneficial to try to reengage him into the activity. He has a hard time focusing with noises and other things going on. When he is in a large group he feels awkward which causes him to engage in self stimming behaviors such as chewing on his clothes or picking his neck. A lot of redirection and visual cues are detrimental to his learning. Encouragement rather then discouragement. My son wants to interact with other children he just doesn't know how. I find it helpful to encourage him by example. Encourage him to ask for a toy from another child or give him suggestions for conversation. He is a smart and very passive child.

I am not entirely sure if I have done this exercise correctly but I tried. I encourage you to attempt it as well. Enjoy!!
If you choose to join the hop, which I strongly urge you do, click on the linksy!!

Image via WikipediaRandom Thoughts:

1.  I need to mop my floors.

2. Will he be in a good mood tonight?

3. Coffee is my bestest friend.

4. I am so so sick.

5. I wish this sickness would go away.

6. Christmas is right around the corner and I am not even close to prepared.

7. Fresh cup of coffee and it tastes amazing

8. If it wasn't for coffee......

Hello, and welcome to my blog. My name is Charlene and I am 31 years old. I love photography and started this blog to write about my journey into another world. I am a single mom of four wonderful sarcastic monsters children.

 Krystal is a twelve year old girl who can sing like an angel. Jocelyn is a seven year old girl who is very smart but sassy. Jacob is six and loves Mario. Lastly Charles who is a four year old boy that has changed my entire world. You see, after having three children, I thought  was well prepared when I had my fourth. Hold them, rock them, play with them, teach them, love them, change their diapers. That covers the baby stuff right? Nope!!!!

What if your baby doesn't like to be held, doesn't coo, hates diapers, and the only thing you can do right is feed them? I was so lost. My son Charles has Autism Spectrum Disorder. He never cooed or wanted to be touched. There was no connection, and as he got older he just wasn't meeting his milestones. He didn't walk tll after he turned two and didn't speak until he was three(even then you couldn't understand him). So much for being prepared eh?
Image by Frozen in Time Photographers via Flickr
I felt as if the whole planet had tilted and I dropped off into orbit for a while until I finally landed on a planet we call Autism. This has been a rough road and not just for me but for everyone involved in my life. Family that can't seem to wrap their heads around the idea. It is hard to connect with a child that seems to have no motivation to connect with you. It just takes more effort though. He is an amazing young man but our days are long and don't forget there are three other children involved.

This has been a big adjustment for them too. We used to be able to have big family gathering and go all sorts of places but now these things are limited. They have to tolerate the screaming for hours that I myself have a hard time dealing with. I invite you to join me and my children on our exciting, odd, enlightening trip on the planet Autism. We welcome you into our world.