Showing posts with label identity crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label identity crisis. Show all posts

Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday- Lost Identity

Monday- Lost Identity

11/29/2010 5 Comments
Anybody else lost their identity since motherhood? I am a mom, first and foremost but I am so much more as well. I need some help because my name has now disappeared and become Krystal, Jocelyn, Jacob and Charlie's mom!  I think by the time I have wandered into the years of freedom again not only will I not understand the concept of drinking hot coffee but I may not even remember my name. 

It is either I am related to as someone's mother or the mother with a child on the spectrum. I can see it now, I am 50 yrs old and I walk into the restaurant I have always dined at and the waiter says,"Hi Charlie's mom I will seat you now."  LOL...  I was almost mortified when I went to a parent teacher meeting and not once did she address me by my name. It was,"Hi, You must be Krystal's mom. She is such a sweet young lady.", and ending the meeting with,"It was a pleasure to meet you Krystal's mom." Where did I go?  At one point I even told my children they could call me by my given name in hopes to protect my identity. But then, I found them using it when they were mad and saying, No Charlene I don't want to. That stopped quickly and again I was thrown into the crisis of a multiple personality disorder gone wrong. 

The person I was born as has slowly disappeared. I don't even know what to do with myself when I don't have children in tow. Now, this does not happen often, yet this weekend I found myself playing Mario just to have some normal in my life. Scary, I know. I even went into my son's bedroom to "check" on him, but the problem is he wasn't home. I am determined to find Charlene and if you see her can you tell her I am looking for her? You can refer to me as MOM or advocate, or well anything that pertains to the children in my life. Now I am not complaining but this double life is taking a toll on me as I seem to have lost my double, and I can't find it. 

Does anyone know how I might regain my identity? Can we actually lead a double life, or should I adjust to this change of name? My identity remains lost in the mist of motherhood. Does yours?


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