My daughter is six years old and extremely smart. She has always been ahead of the rest of the children her age. She does wonderful in school but seems to be having some issues at home. She is stealing. I am not talking about a candy from the store or small items. I am unsure about how to deal with it also because she primarily lives with her father. I am concerned because he laughs many things off and seems to push them under the carpet.
Before Christmas her step mother asked me about an iPod that Jocelyn said she got from my house. I did not even own an iPod so I inquired further when she was here. She stated that it was a friend of hers from when she slept over at her house. Chipmunk said she didn't know how it got in her bag to begin with. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and made her return it while telling her that it was NOT OK to take things that do not belong to her. She maintained that she didn't take it and we returned it.
Last night my sister was at my house and saw a ring that was on my microwave. She asked who's it was and I told her it was Chipmunk's play jewelry. She looked at me like I had three heads saying it was real. Boy did I feel dumb. She said umm... that is a first lady ring and the diamonds are real. That is when I started putting the pieces together. Chipmunk had brought a whole bunch of rings to my house and was giving them to Princess and I. I guess I should have really looked at them all and been more observant. These were not hers to give. I called her father and his wife answered. I asked her if she was missing any rings. She looked and said yes. She had one ring for every finger and there were only three on the shelf. It turns out that my daughter stole her wedding band (which I still haven't found), and her engagement ring along with a bunch of other rings. I have found five rings that belong to her.
When approached about this my daughter said they were on her floor but that is not possible. I am very upset about this because when I approached her father about it he laughed. Are you kidding me?? Laughing cause your daughter stole his wife's jewelry and gave his grandmother's locket to me. I feel conflicted. Maybe he laughed out of frustration but I felt as if it was taken very lightly. I mean, this is his little girl. How in the world would his little girl steal anything? I know that it bothered him because he said it did but, he really has a good way of covering it up.
So I guess the question is, How did we handle it? First I made her cry, a lot!! I know I am mean right? Nope, just stern and serious. Mommy meant business!! I did not cuddle her and try to calm her down. As a matter of fact, I told her that it was wrong and not acceptable. I told her that no amount of tears was going to change that either. Then we left her in her room to think about it. After a while her step mother went in to speak to her and my daughter tried her tears and words to soften the tone again. She said that she took them to my house so she would have something to remember her with when she came to my house. I am not sure what her reaction was but I am pretty sure she probably melted at that.
I don't know how to Co-Parent an issue like this and am open to any suggestions. I know that the behavior is a red flag and cannot be ignored, but how do I ensure that I am not the only parent following through with the consequence agreed on? I feel as if I have to be the "mean" parent. Otherwise the behavior would go without discipline. It would be ignored, but now I seem as if all I ever do is discipline behavior that he can't handle. Any thoughts?
