Autism As A Whole

How are family gatherings for you with your special needs child? Do you cringe like I do with the thought of going to someone else's house and around a bunch of people? These things are actually kinda scary for me. Then I have to wonder how he will react to things. Will he say thank you and smile when given a present? Will he have a major melt on their kitchen floor? Are these normal concerns? How do you prepare for holiday gatherings?

Yesterday we went to a family dinner, I know scary right? Actually the dinner part went really well and my sister was sure to have a drink that Charlie could have and would like. This shows some awareness and I am so grateful for that. She even made sure that he had a quiet place to go when he felt overwhelmed. She is really good with him. They used their best China (paper plates) which worked wonderful. Not only did it save her on dishes but it made it easier for Charlie cause he didn't have to deal with the noises from the silverware on glass plates. Whew, one more accommodation that, although there were other reasons for it, made it easier for him to cope with the gathering. My sister even turned the music off so that Charlie could eat at the table without his head phones.

Charlie did extremely well last night. I was impressed. He sat at the table and attempted to eat. He ate a lot of sweet potatoes and even attempted to try the Manicotti. Dinner was great very tasty, and it even included a little conversation. Some of this provided by Charlie telling his Auntie that he could eat sweet Potatoes all day long. Mind you he said this quite loud but nobody seemed to mind. Hey, it is better than him screeching or crying right? He then retreated to a room by himself to play in a quiet zone. He was playing with my nephews stuffed animals and talking to himself. It was really cute.

Present time, which happened before dinner was interesting. My kids sat down together to open presents and Charlie was opening but not really excitedly and not paying much attention to what he was opening. It appeared that he wasn't happy with it and that made my sister question her choice for him. Just so you know, he loved it. He just can't express it. He didn't smile, just took his box and walked away. No thank you or anything. I know, that was my big concern. Was he going to appear to be rude or ungrateful?

My sister, a little thrown off my Charlie's reaction, or lack of, decided to take him to a quiet place and open the box. They went into another room and opened it. It was a huge Sponge Bob floor puzzle. The floor puzzles have been an all around wonderful gift for Charlie that he enjoys a lot. His Auntie has been getting him them cause he enjoys them so much. It has kind of become a traditional gift for the two of them. I haven't told her, but I thought about purchasing one for Charlie for Christmas and opted not to in hopes that she would get him another one. She did and when they sat down together to put it together he was so happy. The evening went spectacular at her house.

The over stimulation really kicked in when we left. He had a melt down in the car because we unbuckled him and he couldn't find one of his stuffies. It is ok... we found it. *sigh* When we got home he flipped because he was asleep and we unbuckled him. Oh My he was kicking his feet and screaming like crazy. I wonder what the neighbors thought. Wait, they are accustomed to it now. LOL.. I remember when we first moved here and after a month the lady across the street asked me if everything was OK over here.

I tried really hard to calm him and pick him up but his arms and legs were thrashing inside the car and it was not possible. Meanwhile his sister was sitting on the other side of the seat dodging the feet that were flying towards her face. I, overwhelmed by this, yelled at her to get out. Looking back on the situation, I know that she was probably just as overwhelmed as I was and couldn't process getting out of the car. My boyfriend lifted him out of the car and I looked for the stuffie. I found it and brought it inside.

There in the foyer, was my son screaming at the top of his lungs. I picked him up and rocked him back and forth. He was still so upset so I proceeded to carry this screaming and kicking child up the stairs. I put him in bed and eventually he calmed down and went to sleep. I can't say that was the end because he woke up screaming in a complete night terror mode at 3:30 am. This lasted for an hour and a half. We fell asleep together but I was on the bottom of the bed because he did not want to be touched.

The gathering went very well and I guess even though I felt the aftermath, my son was able to keep it all together for the party. It shows that he is comfortable to let loose while at home and maybe he is learning how to control his behavior in public. All, I know is I was overwhelmed and tired but, I am proud of my son and his strength to get through  such a stimulating event.

Today was a pretty rough day. Charlie woke up and didn't want to got to school. I am not sure that I blame him. He said that his teacher will not allow him to have his comfy at school. While I can try to relate and understand what the teacher is trying to accomplish this is putting an emotional stress on my son. He uses his comfy as a calming technique and although I may not understand it completely, I don't see it harming anything. Earlier this year Charlie started coming home with wounds on his legs, neck or arms. After some thought and investigating we realized he was picking his skin during nap time. Now, he does this at home and we were working on it, but it wasn't occurring at school. I approached the teacher and spoke to her gave a few suggestions while I was at it.

Soon after the teacher stopped nap time, which was when my son was picking, and told him he didn't need to bring his pillowcase into school. I visited the school and observed my son in class. He was sitting in circle time and not participating. They sing certain songs every day so he should know them, and when his classmate went to shake his hand he didn't even reach it out to the kid. The other child actually picked my son's limp hand off his lap and shook it as they said hello to him. Charlie didn't even grin. I then listened as the teacher yelled at my son for chewing on his shirt. I approached the teacher about this at a later time and told her I didn't see a problem with it and unless she was going to redirect him to an acceptable "stim" then leave him alone. The teacher was not happy but I feel as if my son needs this stimulation in order to process what is going on around him. Anyone else have these issues with teachers? What do you feel is acceptable for our children's comfort? I mean this is an integrated special needs school. This teacher is in a setting where she must adapt to the children. I thought. Am I wrong?

Tonight, he came home from school and was not in a good mood at all. He wanted pumpkin pie and well, I didn't have any. Watch for yourself.... I stopped recording after a while because he wasn't calming and I needed to intervene differently, but, in the end he was happy eating an ice cream sandwich and orange sherbert. The funniest thing is I had asked him if he would like that instead like 5 times. Grrrrrr...........

              It did NOT look comfortable