Autism As A Whole

I read a blog today that reminded me of my son. I am sure that those parents whom have had a child that was non-verbal but now speaks can relate. My son was entirely non-verbal until he was three and a half. We could not understand a thing he was saying until he was almost four, and he was classified non verbal until the end of Kindergarten. I remember when he couldn't speak.

I remember him screaming constantly and pulling on my leg. I remember the chair being overturned because I couldn't figure out what he needed or wanted. It was so frustrating to know he needed something and I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I am sure if it was hard for me it was ten times harder for him. Anyways, I even remember wishing he would speak. Listening intently to every sound that came out of his mouth in hopes to hear a Mama or something. I would sit with him for hours trying to make animal sounds and attended every speech appointment sitting through each session determined to hear that first word. I learned sign language to attempt to open communication for him and carried thick folders of PEC Cards around with me. I was determined to hear my son speak.

When I first heard my son say,"I ov ew om"(I love you mom) for the first time and it made me cry. You would think that would be enough but no, I wanted more. More words, more sounds, more interaction. LESS SCREAMING!!! Well, I think that I got what I was asking for and I should warn you to be careful what you wish for. My son is very verbal. He has difficulties maintaining a two way conversation but he can talk. He can talk your ear off. He will go on and on and on and on about the same thing for hours. Now, when he first started talking you had to listen VERY carefully and it had to be quiet in order to hear his whispers. Now, forget it.... You can hear my son in the next town, OK maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe, but I don't think so. When we tell him to lower his voice he whispers so low you can't hear him. Hmmm... NO VOLUME CONTROL!!

Last summer our cat died and we had to explain that she would not wake up. We buried her in the yard and showed him where she was. All seemed to go pretty smooth but he would talk to her all the time and was obsessed with death for a while. I had to go to a funeral and didn't have a sitter so I brought him along. Big Mistake!! The man who had passed had a young daughter (13 yrs. old). My son yelled really loud, in the funeral home, that she wouldn't see him anymore he was going in the dirt and worms would eat him. Oh Boy... ummm... I had to be grateful that most people couldn't understand him and I didn't know what to say. All I could think was,"Well, you wanted him to talk"LOL...

Then as if that wasn't bad enough, we had company over for dinner and cake for dessert. The girl is a good friend of the family. She comes over a lot and she adores my son, which is why I felt so helplessly sad when he decided to open his mouth....again!! We were having chocolate cake, my son doesn't eat too much of this, when he looks at the girl and say,"Me no eat all cake me be fat like you" I tried to address his words promptly but I was a bit shocked that he said that and when I tried to explain how rude that is he didn't understand. I then told the girl that he wasn't meaning to offend her. She calmly, but swiftly pushed her cake away and said she didn't like it. I felt horrible that my son would say something like that. He tends to do it a lot.

Image by Frozen in Time Photographers via FlickrThe other day we had her over again and my son had just received a new orange exercise ball. His favorite color is orange so he is very attached to the ball. I guess the girl tried to sit on his ball and he told her,"You too fat you pop it" I again told him that the word fat is a rude word. Does anybody know how to teach them about what is acceptable to say? My son will scream as loud as he can that he has to go poopie , in the middle of the store. Whatever thoughts pop in his head, you can rest assured you will hear them.  It is like he cannot control it. Thoughts please????

• My son is sick....:( he says his belly and forehead hurts.
• He doesn't want me to touch him- That is so hard.
• Kids are home from school...the damn snow doesn't like me.
• The school district sucks
• Co-Parenting is only Co-Parenting when it involves both parents working together
• Worrying about my oldest son and what he is going through
• My daughter is almost a teenager and not only does it make me feel old but it is really scary.
• Thinking about how I could grow an extra set of ears and arms.
• Well......there is a lot on my mind but I think you are probably bored already.
• Thinking about how wonderful my blogging family has been with the supporting comments and advice.
• Wait one more for ya... Since I am on the phone with If This Is Motherhood, unfortunately bowel movements in adults are on my mind as well. Thanks a lot. Just another highlight to my wonderful begining of a new year.

Image by roberthuffstutter via Flickr

My four angels are all equal and special to me. The oldest was an only child for five years and then I gave her a sister. Her sister was the easiest child I have ever had. Maybe I should have stopped at two is what I think in my down in the dump moments. But, then I ponder this.... What if I didn't have to go through the struggles I have gone through? What if I didn't have to deal with Early intervention. What would my life be without my wonderful boys?

I read an article today titled , I Have Asked You A Hundred Times!. It really hit home. I have been having a torturous time with my tween. She is just lazy, ridiculously lazy. It drives me insane.
I used to have her take a shower in the morning but she was never ready when the bus came and would be leaving with wet un-brushed hair. I now insist that she take a shower at night but, it is still a battle. Do your tweens argue about a shower? I mean you would think they would want to look their best right? I am so confused, so I decided to take the natural consequence approach.

I asked her to take a shower and if she chose not to that was her choice. I told her that I would not take her anywhere if she was not showered. Do you know the girl didn’t shower for almost a week. She didn’t care that I wouldn’t let her sit on the couch or at the table during meals. She didn’t even get the point when one of her friends told her she smelled.

The end of that was when the guidance teacher called me telling me that she had a smell on her. I explained the issue to the counselor and she assured me that this is a normal phase for tweens. Although she said it usually goes on with boys. I explained how I tried to allow her peers to influence her and it didn’t work. So, now I feel as if I have to be on top of it. I will not remind her anymore. It is now that she takes a shower by 7:30 or she goes to bed at 8:30 instead of 9:30. I think that is reasonable.

My sister recently wrote a post titled The Mom (Super Human) in Me -VS- The Human in Me. I encourage you to read it cause it is a great post. It really hit home for me. I too struggle everyday with my human form vs. my Mom form. Do You struggle with this too? Do you find yourself fighting the urge to say,”That was a stupid thing to do?” when your child trips over the shoe they left in the middle of the floor instead of asking if they were ok? It may sound mean but come on, I know she has brains and I wish she would use them.

I am only human and I am not trying to be mean. I love her so much but the arguing has got to stop. I hate yelling at her and I find myself so frustrated with her actions, or lack of actions that I cannot enjoy her presence.  Does that make me a horrible mother? She wants me to listen to her sing and while I would love that in the back of my mind all I can think about is the fact that I want her to clean her room and take a shower.

I can take a little of the blame for her behavior. I totally cringe in saying that when the going gets tough and I don’t want to fight with her, Mom gets going. Off to do something else, leaving her to do, not what I am requesting her to do, but what she chooses to  do. No, I don’t let her roam the streets, not that she would get far cause we live in the sticks, and I will not allow her to go out. Well, maybe I do … *cringe*. There are times that I am so annoyed and I justify her going out as we both need breathing room. This is just one more excuse.

I challenge myself to be more consistent but not to yell, ummm… or scream. It has to be possible, Right???? So, I shall state clearly what I expect of her and take the things that mean the most when she selectively goes deaf. LOL! Sometimes I find it so hard to try to get control of the situation because I have a special needs son. He takes up so much of my day and somehow… when things get tense with Krystal or I am trying to draw the line, in chimes Chucky and he needs me NOW!!!

How do other moms handle this? I think I might go crazy. I used to think that after you have three children, you can add more and it didn’t effect anything. For instance my “wife” as I call her, used to ask me to babysit “her” two girls, which are really mine, but she would always ask,”Are you gonna be ok? That is a lot of kids.” At that point I would respond with,”Are you kidding? After three extras don’t count. They all occupy themselves and whatever bickering could occur can’t be any worse than with three.” She always thought I was crazy, but now….. forget it. I cannot take on more than one more child.
My maximum child occupancy has changed from unlimited to five. I find myself doing Math and really scheduling things. If Chucky goes to his dad’s house I can have at least two kids over but.. if he is home the parents must stay. I do it at birthday parties too… I am such a wonderful host..LOL… I will see how many moms or dads can stay through the party and lend a hand. Most of them are well aware of the situation and are more than willing to help.

This overwhelming barrier of motherhood involving special needs lets my daughter ignore my requests and since my brain cells died after I had Charlie, I can’t remember anything.  Do you have the same problem? How do you juggle it?

Have you ever been in a store and saw a kid screaming on the ground and thought about what hi/her parents were doing wrong? That may have been my son. What about when the child is repetitively spinning and bumping into you at the checkout? Yup, Could have been my son again. Do you remember the little boy that was rubbing your micro fiber pants in the store? Definitely my son!!!

What do you do when you encounter these situations? A lot of people pass judgement and blame the parents, but for my son, it is beyond his control. He hears things we don't and gets overwhelmed with all the stimuli. I think for me it is easier for a stranger to ask a question then glare and pass judgement. I will gladly answer any questions but I am not a mind reader. It is important for people to understand what is going on. It took me almost four years to remotely understand my son and it is still a struggle for me. Please, if you are in the store and a child is seemingly having a really rough time, take the moment to consider the possibilities of what is going on.

I know I must seem ranty today and maybe I am but there are a lot of issues laying on my mind. I am a mother with a special needs child, but what classifies your child as special needs? Do they have to have a special plan in school or a diagnosis? Is gifted classified as special needs or are they just smart ass kids with very lucky parents who have no right or reason to complain?

I feel that gifted children fall right into the same category as my son. They are very smart, but so is my son, he just can't show you how smart he is. A gifted child has the same socialization issues as my son and for very similar reasons. They cannot connect cause typical children seem odd. What is your opinion?  Can Gifted children be grouped in with Special needs?

My sister has two gifted boys and she struggles every day with them. Her oldest is extremely smart but wants to do everything his way. He is extremely intuitive and constantly asking questions. I think she must hear the word mom about 50 times every 10 minutes. Nothing keeps the youngest's interest for more than 5 minutes. Buying toys for them, well I have the same problem. For her she wants to find something they will be engrossed with and enjoy and for me I want to find something that my son will be productive with. No, being productive is not lining the books across the living room floor.

There are so many likelihoods between my sister's kids and mine. I like to say we are like an umbrella. She has the top and I am somewhere in the middle. Our children have similar quirks but, hers are gifted, mine has autism. Just to clear this one up, my son is not dumb. He is very smart. Most children with autism are very smart. It is just harder to access it all and they cannot process everything.

Gifted children tend to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about feelings. My son will do the same thing occasionally. The other day we had friends over and they brought a delicious chocolate cake. My son looked at the girl and told her he couldn't eat it all cause he would get fat like her. I tried to tell him that wasn't nice but he didn't understand. My other sister said I Love You on the phone and he said OK. She was a little offended because the typical response would be I love you too... but my son needs prompting still.

Gifted children are in many ways a special needs child. They learn differently, think differently and are emotionally and socially adrift. Think about that when you tell another parent they are so lucky when they mention gifted. I do!!!

Today was a pretty good day. Charlie was very talkative and active. He did seem to get upset very easy and has been having accidents a lot lately. He just isn't making it to the bathroom and is extremely attached to his beloved pillowcase. The pillowcase was at the point where he only needed it at night but he is bringing it everywhere again.

Charles also had horse therapy today and was very unfocused. His therapist could not keep him on task. He was also parroting a lot. She worked on his counting skills which he has a lot of difficulties with. He cannot count over 5 and sometimes he still messes that up. It is a little frustrating as a mom to know that you work on these skills everyday with him and he still isn't learning them. That make me feel incompetent. I know it isn't really like that but it is a feeling that I do have. You know sort of like the ,"Why my son? What did I do wrong" Just the self pity I tend to fall into occasionally. It happens to the best of us right. Most of the times when I am feeling like this is right after a meeting or testing score. That is when it all just smacks me in the face. Well, th night didn't end there.

He has his moments and at times I do not know how to handle him. It is amazing how other people can approach the child with the same options I would be able to do but it works for them. My son wanted Yogurt for snack tomorrow but I forgot my wallet at home so it was impossible to get him it. We got home and someone offered him crackers with cheese and cereal which he was all for having. I think sometimes I cannot even think straight to offer up other solutions. I would have chosen go home get the wallet and buy the yogurt, but that would not have been reasonable and would have shown my son that screaming like a banshee would get him what he wanted. So, we came home and he was offered some choices which he willingly made a choice and with a smile on his face. It is nice to see that occasionally my son can interact with someone else in a positive manner. I thank those who will take that time when I have seemingly had all I could take. People who can maintain the calm that I happened to lose for the moment.

If This Is Motherhood recently posted a blog about describing your gifted or special needs child so that it would be easier to explain to the teachers how they can help your child. I thought it would be a great and insightful exercise  to participate in and I encourage others to join along as well. It might be more effective to give the teachers a descriptive of your child to educate them on how to teach them. What do you think? I challenge you to hop on board and join the linksy.

I guess we can't complain about the public school system if we are not willing to look for solutions. I advocate strongly for my son and even though at times I do not feel as if my son's teacher even cares to listen, I know that I have done everything I could do to make his schooling experience as individualized as possible. I gave them the knowledge to teach my son. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink. If you don't tell them what the child needs then they guess throughout the year. At least I pointed them in the right direction. That is my job, it is their job to follow through on it.

My son is four years old and ... wow, this is harder than I thought. Charles loves to build and do puzzles. He is a visual learner and works best with hands on work. It is best to visually show him what you expect him to do then just give a verbal direction. He needs a lot of redirection. Sometimes it may seem that he is not listening  as he tends to zone off into his safe world. It is beneficial to try to reengage him into the activity. He has a hard time focusing with noises and other things going on. When he is in a large group he feels awkward which causes him to engage in self stimming behaviors such as chewing on his clothes or picking his neck. A lot of redirection and visual cues are detrimental to his learning. Encouragement rather then discouragement. My son wants to interact with other children he just doesn't know how. I find it helpful to encourage him by example. Encourage him to ask for a toy from another child or give him suggestions for conversation. He is a smart and very passive child.

I am not entirely sure if I have done this exercise correctly but I tried. I encourage you to attempt it as well. Enjoy!!
If you choose to join the hop, which I strongly urge you do, click on the linksy!!

Last night I spoke with another Mommy that I met. We spoke for almost two hours. For her privacy I will name her J. J is my new neighbor on my planet. She is finding it hard to cope with the fact that her son may have a diagnosis and he is having problems. She has a set of twins and they are 18 months old. She has beautiful children and she is an awesome mom. I know she doesn't always feel that way so I want to reassure all the newer moms that none of this is your fault. I am writing this because I wanted to openly identify with everyone. When I started this blog post I was being careful to respect privacy but, I know see that she wrote a post regarding her son after our conversation, so I want to invite you to visit her blog and offer your support for her. As a mom I am sure you can understand that she needs that more than anything else.

Anybody else lost their identity since motherhood? I am a mom, first and foremost but I am so much more as well. I need some help because my name has now disappeared and become Krystal, Jocelyn, Jacob and Charlie's mom!  I think by the time I have wandered into the years of freedom again not only will I not understand the concept of drinking hot coffee but I may not even remember my name. 
It is either I am related to as someone's mother or the mother with a child on the spectrum. I can see it now, I am 50 yrs old and I walk into the restaurant I have always dined at and the waiter says,"Hi Charlie's mom I will seat you now."  LOL...  I was almost mortified when I went to a parent teacher meeting and not once did she address me by my name. It was,"Hi, You must be Krystal's mom. She is such a sweet young lady.", and ending the meeting with,"It was a pleasure to meet you Krystal's mom." Where did I go?  At one point I even told my children they could call me by my given name in hopes to protect my identity. But then, I found them using it when they were mad and saying, No Charlene I don't want to. That stopped quickly and again I was thrown into the crisis of a multiple personality disorder gone wrong. 
The person I was born as has slowly disappeared. I don't even know what to do with myself when I don't have children in tow. Now, this does not happen often, yet this weekend I found myself playing Mario just to have some normal in my life. Scary, I know. I even went into my son's bedroom to "check" on him, but the problem is he wasn't home. I am determined to find Charlene and if you see her can you tell her I am looking for her? You can refer to me as MOM or advocate, or well anything that pertains to the children in my life. Now I am not complaining but this double life is taking a toll on me as I seem to have lost my double, and I can't find it. 
Does anyone know how I might regain my identity? Can we actually lead a double life, or should I adjust to this change of name? My identity remains lost in the mist of motherhood. Does yours?

Last night I sat in my house with no children. I know, amazing right? I sat here all night pondering on what to do with my time. Wondering how other Moms deal with this situation. Where has my life gone? Why is it that we want alone time but once we get it we spend our time thinking about the little boogers we needed time away from? I mean, after we tidy up all their messes that they left behind, organizing their games, making their beds, we sit wondering if they miss us.

Pondering about what they are doing. Are they thinking about us? I actually found myself stunned and confused at what I was to do with my time. I could sit down and write, amazingly without interruptions, but I was drawing blanks. I didn't have any huge accomplishments to write about for the day or even a miserable screaming child to rant about. So, the question remains, What am I to do with my "alone time"? I guess it really isn't alone time. They are still in my head and thoughts.

Image via WikipediaIt was then my realization that my children are my inspiration. They give me the drive to wake up in the morning, make breakfast, etc. No, etc. is not an abbreviation for the Excedrin that we need throughout the day. LOL They give me all the material I need to write my blog. What better to write about then all the interesting, and in my case, odd dilemmas my family experiences? Where would Autism As A Whole be without my four children? What would I do without them? I probably would not be the same person I am today.

 Although with them away for a couple nights, I am able to put more thoughts together for the next week. It does give me some time to manage all the anxiety that comes with the job. I could prepare myself for the week ahead including trying to predict when melt downs will occur. I know I know, now that is an absurd thought!! But, hey I have nothing to do but sit here and think. That could be trouble. Well, I could do more constructive things like put the movies in ABC order, but that won't matter cause it wouldn't last long.

I think I need my kids home, NOW!!!! I never thought I would beg for that but I am pleading. Come home soon I miss you. I know for sure that within two hours of having them back I will probably be ready for them to go away again and I will need to read this post to refresh my memory of my "alone time". I have gotten used to the chaos and it is an active member of my household. So, I welcome the chaos back and beg my children to come back home.

My sister bought a book. Not just any old book, but a book that was recommended by her son's school. Honestly, I am not too thrilled with the schools, so I really can't be sure how much I trust their suggestions on anything let alone parenting. But, I figure what can I lose, I will take the trip with her and attempt to survive another parenting intervention. I am not saying I am a bad parent but hey we all have room for improvement and I really don't like yelling. It is amazing how easy it is to do something that you totally despise yourself. I want to fix that and well, I am going to.


I went through today with the thoughts to remain calm and not to yell. I wanted to put focus on what I want to achieve instead of what I don't want. I think I did pretty good as I only started to yell once. As I heard my tone rising I pivoted. I turned around and said,"I am feeling upset. If I am upset I am focusing on what I don't want. Do I want that in my life?" This feels really weird but yet I intend on following the book Easy to love, Difficult to Discipline, by Dr. Bailey.  As a matter of fact my twelve year old asked me who I was talking too as she gave me a really strange look. When I told her myself she just walked away as if she didn't even want to go there. She might think it is strange but, damn, I haven't yelled at her all day. I gave my daughter a hug and a kiss before bed and she took a shower tonight. I had a pretty good day.


Did everything get done? No, but to tell you the truth I accomplished a lot. I home schooled my four year old today and I even enjoyed it.Charlie counted to ten with me and we did some physical therapy with his exercise ball. We read books, did some music and played with Bullion cubes. Bullion cubes are a really great occupier for when Mommy is cooking. Just make sure that they are individually wrapped. They don't taste good but they won't do any harm if eaten. Best of all, they are a wonderful fine motor activity. It also works to do mimicking.(See what I built, can you do the same thing?) I think it is good that he enjoys learning. We also worked on colors and speech. All of that and I even did dinner, two loads of laundry, and swept the kitchen and living room floors.


I am so proud of my little ones. They are all growing so fast. I also tried out a virtual online school for Autism. Before I talk too much about it I want to really feel comfortable. Charlie seems to like it, for a few minutes at a time. I am considering taking him out of public schools and home schooling. I really can't decide because honestly, I am so tired I am falling asleep blogging. I am exhausted and also really sore. I wish I could say that I understand what the school goes through now, but I can't compare the two. I am one person and I prepare meals, give bathes, do laundry, clean house and now schooling too. They have many teachers working together to do what I did alone. I am not saying that the teachers don't do enough I am saying that the district doesn't give them any lee way to teach anymore. They have to program them. They don't have time to teach anymore and I think it is sad. Well, I am tired and really need to go to bed cause I am starting to rant and that is for another blog. Hey, maybe tomorrow. I will be posting a yelling log at the end of every post until I master this skill. Ummm... slight hesitation as I stated that. LOL.. I only yelled twice today and one of them was at the cat so does that count?