Autism As A Whole

Today was a pretty good day. Charlie was very talkative and active. He did seem to get upset very easy and has been having accidents a lot lately. He just isn't making it to the bathroom and is extremely attached to his beloved pillowcase. The pillowcase was at the point where he only needed it at night but he is bringing it everywhere again.

Charles also had horse therapy today and was very unfocused. His therapist could not keep him on task. He was also parroting a lot. She worked on his counting skills which he has a lot of difficulties with. He cannot count over 5 and sometimes he still messes that up. It is a little frustrating as a mom to know that you work on these skills everyday with him and he still isn't learning them. That make me feel incompetent. I know it isn't really like that but it is a feeling that I do have. You know sort of like the ,"Why my son? What did I do wrong" Just the self pity I tend to fall into occasionally. It happens to the best of us right. Most of the times when I am feeling like this is right after a meeting or testing score. That is when it all just smacks me in the face. Well, th night didn't end there.

He has his moments and at times I do not know how to handle him. It is amazing how other people can approach the child with the same options I would be able to do but it works for them. My son wanted Yogurt for snack tomorrow but I forgot my wallet at home so it was impossible to get him it. We got home and someone offered him crackers with cheese and cereal which he was all for having. I think sometimes I cannot even think straight to offer up other solutions. I would have chosen go home get the wallet and buy the yogurt, but that would not have been reasonable and would have shown my son that screaming like a banshee would get him what he wanted. So, we came home and he was offered some choices which he willingly made a choice and with a smile on his face. It is nice to see that occasionally my son can interact with someone else in a positive manner. I thank those who will take that time when I have seemingly had all I could take. People who can maintain the calm that I happened to lose for the moment.

Last night I sat in my house with no children. I know, amazing right? I sat here all night pondering on what to do with my time. Wondering how other Moms deal with this situation. Where has my life gone? Why is it that we want alone time but once we get it we spend our time thinking about the little boogers we needed time away from? I mean, after we tidy up all their messes that they left behind, organizing their games, making their beds, we sit wondering if they miss us.

Pondering about what they are doing. Are they thinking about us? I actually found myself stunned and confused at what I was to do with my time. I could sit down and write, amazingly without interruptions, but I was drawing blanks. I didn't have any huge accomplishments to write about for the day or even a miserable screaming child to rant about. So, the question remains, What am I to do with my "alone time"? I guess it really isn't alone time. They are still in my head and thoughts.

Image via WikipediaIt was then my realization that my children are my inspiration. They give me the drive to wake up in the morning, make breakfast, etc. No, etc. is not an abbreviation for the Excedrin that we need throughout the day. LOL They give me all the material I need to write my blog. What better to write about then all the interesting, and in my case, odd dilemmas my family experiences? Where would Autism As A Whole be without my four children? What would I do without them? I probably would not be the same person I am today.

 Although with them away for a couple nights, I am able to put more thoughts together for the next week. It does give me some time to manage all the anxiety that comes with the job. I could prepare myself for the week ahead including trying to predict when melt downs will occur. I know I know, now that is an absurd thought!! But, hey I have nothing to do but sit here and think. That could be trouble. Well, I could do more constructive things like put the movies in ABC order, but that won't matter cause it wouldn't last long.

I think I need my kids home, NOW!!!! I never thought I would beg for that but I am pleading. Come home soon I miss you. I know for sure that within two hours of having them back I will probably be ready for them to go away again and I will need to read this post to refresh my memory of my "alone time". I have gotten used to the chaos and it is an active member of my household. So, I welcome the chaos back and beg my children to come back home.

Yesterday I went to the elementary school that my son might be attending. I wanted to see the classrooms to get a feel of what type of program they ran. I am really nervous about him slipping through the holes and not receiving the services he needs in order to succeed. I was met with what I perceived as a brick wall at the school. They told me that we had to schedule an appointment (which I was fine with), but it had to be approved of by the school board. What is that all about? I immediately put my guard up. I am sure that most special needs parents have heard of the horrific happenings in school with our children and while it doesn't seem to happen to your child it very well could.

This has always been a concern of mine since my son has a lot of difficulty expressing his needs and often need to be questioned specifically to find out about his day. Therefore if something bad happened at school, I may not find out about it. That concerns me which is why I am implementing the PEC cards and a communication board. At least I know he would have the ability to let me know what he needs as well as if he was injured. That should resolve that issue and so now onto the next one. How do I know that they are going to place him in the proper setting?

Well, the Special Education director called me this morning about my request for a tour. She wanted to ensure that I knew she was also concerned about my son's placement and that they have a very vigorous process for placing children. I will go through this with you as I feel it is a wonderful way of finding the best placement. First off I must state that no one can ensure that the placement of your child is absolutely going to work and there will always be some tweaking to the program. With this in mind, they can do their best to place them in the environment that the team(which includes you), feel is best.

Our school district meets with the Kindergarten teacher in mid January. At this time they arrange for the teacher to go to the Pre-Ks so they can observe the students and report on whether they would be good for their class. Then the parents get to go to the school and observe the classes that best suit their child. In March  there is a Pre-CPSE meeting where everyone discusses the goals and opinions on services and applicable class placement. All opinions are then heard and discussed and a placement is agreed tentatively until the May meeting. Any concerns in between are easy to deal with as they will call another meeting and discuss so that all of the team is together as a team when it comes to the final decision.

The conversation I had today was wonderful. They were prompt on returning my call and they were very clear on the way the process works. She also was very knowledgeable of my son and seemed to really care about his improvement. She also suggested ways to help him at home as well and assured me that while I may feel crazy, I really am on the right track. I think for any parent, it is vital to have open communication with your child's team. It is most successful when you can all work together for the same outcome. I learned a lot in the last four years but I also realized a lot about myself in the last two days.

While I have been advocating for my son diligently. I think I convinced myself that he would start school and everything would just get better. Let me explain, He is four with the functions of a two and a half year old. I had myself so convinced(I think for my own sanity), that he would be at age level and functioning as a typical child once he became school age. I have to stop that thought process as I am expecting way more from the school then my son can perform. They are not miracle workers, they are teachers. If my son is having trouble processing then they can't fix that. But it is an elimination process to find the way to engage him in our world.

It is all a process. Sometimes tiring and exhausting, sometimes making me want to crawl in a hole, but all it takes is that one small thing,(openly giving me a hug, jumping with 2 feet off the ground), that most parents overlook cause they are so common that makes me realize that this is all worth it. He is worth it and I am blessed to have my wonderful children.