Autism As A Whole

Every Wednesday over at Jillsy Girl She does a One Word Wednesday, Here she posts a word and you can link up adding a song, post, picture to describe what this word means to you. For me it is a great start for a post and leaves me thinking about it for a day or two. Most people will think of all the fabulous gifts that they could give or receive during this season, but in my home gifts are not of that importance. I mean, my kids love them but I try not to allow them to fall into the commercialized trap of Christmas. There is so much more than that. We used to make cookies and bring them to the Veterans hospital but since my dad passed away, that has been extremely hard for me to do.

I have the gift of children (although sometimes I wonder if this is a gift or a curse). For the moment, as they are sleeping in their beds, and I am drinking a nice hot cup of coughing coffee while hacking my brains out, it is peaceful and quiet and I may think about all the wonderful times I have with my children. I can consider whom I would be without them and like who I am with them. Perfect?? Nope, not even close. But I do what I can do and it isn't easy. It is heart warming though when they give you snuggles and on weekends when they awake and crawl into bed with you. These are the gifts that I receive with open arms.

The gift of children and family

While some may disagree, I feel that Autism was a gift for my family as well. Yes, it causes struggles and can be painful (in many ways), but it has made my family stronger. It has opened our eyes to whole different view. That I am thankful for. Now, I appreciate the smaller, finer details in life. The moments that I feel I had taken advantage of with my older children. The hugs, kisses, long chats.... I love you Mommy's when things are really tough. I look back and notice that at those times I would just say yeah, I love you too but now I find myself engulfed in the moment. Autism has changed my life and it isn't all for the better but it has changed my perspective. My kids are amazing and I have gained so much strength from the struggles and the triumphs.

The gift of acceptance

The gift of friends

The greatest gift I have found this year, and no I am not kissing any butts, is my friends and some family, I have found here and on Facebook. Whether you know it or not, you guys do a lot for me. Commenting on my craziness, acknowledging the difficulties, and filling my mind with funny and enlightening ways to cope. This helps me get through my, sometimes seemingly endless days (and sometimes nights).  I have compiled many friends, some who are more like family than my own, that openly have opened their arms to accept my quirky family and I. I thank you all for that. The gifts that I have are right under my nose and really don't take a lot to think about. I just had to redefine society's interpretation of gift as it means so much more to me.

Last night I sat in my house with no children. I know, amazing right? I sat here all night pondering on what to do with my time. Wondering how other Moms deal with this situation. Where has my life gone? Why is it that we want alone time but once we get it we spend our time thinking about the little boogers we needed time away from? I mean, after we tidy up all their messes that they left behind, organizing their games, making their beds, we sit wondering if they miss us.

Pondering about what they are doing. Are they thinking about us? I actually found myself stunned and confused at what I was to do with my time. I could sit down and write, amazingly without interruptions, but I was drawing blanks. I didn't have any huge accomplishments to write about for the day or even a miserable screaming child to rant about. So, the question remains, What am I to do with my "alone time"? I guess it really isn't alone time. They are still in my head and thoughts.

Image via WikipediaIt was then my realization that my children are my inspiration. They give me the drive to wake up in the morning, make breakfast, etc. No, etc. is not an abbreviation for the Excedrin that we need throughout the day. LOL They give me all the material I need to write my blog. What better to write about then all the interesting, and in my case, odd dilemmas my family experiences? Where would Autism As A Whole be without my four children? What would I do without them? I probably would not be the same person I am today.

 Although with them away for a couple nights, I am able to put more thoughts together for the next week. It does give me some time to manage all the anxiety that comes with the job. I could prepare myself for the week ahead including trying to predict when melt downs will occur. I know I know, now that is an absurd thought!! But, hey I have nothing to do but sit here and think. That could be trouble. Well, I could do more constructive things like put the movies in ABC order, but that won't matter cause it wouldn't last long.

I think I need my kids home, NOW!!!! I never thought I would beg for that but I am pleading. Come home soon I miss you. I know for sure that within two hours of having them back I will probably be ready for them to go away again and I will need to read this post to refresh my memory of my "alone time". I have gotten used to the chaos and it is an active member of my household. So, I welcome the chaos back and beg my children to come back home.

TSo, We did it!!  We survived the whole day and I am alive, with hair!!! Charlie really tried to sit at the table tonight to eat but well, that did not work. So I had him sit away from the other children,but with me!! He loved the sweet potatoes and stuffing. He only ate a little turkey. It was a big step though. He tried the corn but says he doesn't like it anymore. I don't understand it, but maybe it is a texture thing. It went pretty good. I wanted to start by sharing the video of my children and what they were thankful for. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


There were a couple spills and a lot of craziness but I chose not to have any family over because it always seems to overwhelm my son. The other kids were a little disappointed but I am sure they appreciated not having food fly or shrieking shrills through the house. It just gets pretty crazy. I do feel guilty at times for the other children but I think that is better than them dealing with the behavior that follows over stimulation.

All of the children seemed to be very content and happy. I mean we had our fights over Mario Brothers and who was gonna be first, but that is normal. Then we had a couple melts over little issues that were easily resolved and then well.... Then we had the topper of the evening.

Charlie and Jacob had decided to carry moon sand from one room to another and had it everywhere. What a mess but I cleaned it up and Charlie and Jocelyn helped me too. It wasn't that bad. So... looking at my day this year and remembering my day last year, ummm... I think we had an extraordinarily Thanksgiving. So, What do I have to be thankful for?

If I had been asked this question about a week ago, I would have laughed. Thankful, yeah right!! But looking at my children today and hearing the laughter in their voices made me think about this. I asked my children at mealtime as we do every year. My daughter said she was thankful for me and that just made my day. While I do have my bad days it is days like this that make it all come together. Days like this that make me remember why I accept the title Mom. Looking at my children and knowing I do have a lot to be thankful for.

I am thankful for lasting through each day, sometimes I don't feel as if the end will come. I am thankful that my youngest son is who he is. That might confuse some but I don't want a cure for his autism. I want people to accept him for who he is. He wouldn't be him without his quirks. I am thankful to have two wonderful little girls. They are complete opposites so I get the best of both worlds. Although both of them are moody as hell and have a nasty attitude when they get upset. I am thankful for my son Jacob because he makes me see the sensitive side to life and his sweet eyes lighten my heart when I feel like everything is crazy. Lastly I am thankful my sisters, those whom I recently came in contact with again as well as all the others. It was my first Thanksgiving that I said Happy Thanksgiving to my sister in over 6 years. It was definitely a great feeling. It is nice to have family and friends who will stick by me no matter what I am going through. Thank you to all who have helped me and those who continue to help me jump over the hurdles of motherhood and life. Motherhood is not easy but it is wonderful to have people supporting me on my journey on another planet.

Image by J-E-F-F via Flickr