Autism As A Whole

Now I know that when you have a baby you expect to have sleep deprived nights but I didn't think they would last almost 4 years. Give me a break!! My son was waking all night and he was not wanting to play either. In fact he didn't want to be touched, flailed his arms and legs and screamed at the top of his lungs. He banged his head, punched anyone within range and bit. He was a demon child!!!! Not really but man it was way more than I ever dealt with. 

Last night as I was doing a little grocery shopping with Chucky and Pumpkin at Hannaford a woman approached me asking about the device my son was playing with. I explained that it was an iPad that he got for Christmas . She asked what it did and inquired if they were for children. I told her that we use it to help him communicate and also to teach him. They are not just for children but many children use them. I did NOT mention that Chucky had Autism. It didn't even cross my mind to tell her this.

I question myself about why I didn't take the opportunity to educate her about my son's diagnosis. Why not educate an open ear? Was it for fear of rejection or maybe just an avoidance of the topic? Although it may have seemed like a perfect situation, at that moment, I didn't need to. He was calm and was watching Curious George. I don't feel there is a need to point out to everyone that he has some difficulties. I want them to know him for who he is and his name is Chucky Cheese not Autism. The woman continued to chat about her son and Curious George and the iPad when my son began flapping and screeching.

It was at that moment that my heart dropped and I felt like I wanted to run in the opposite direction. Instead I tried to calm him and maintain the conversation despite my fear of a rude ignorant comment. I misjudged the woman and I am sorry for that. Instead of making a nasty comment or judging my son she calmly asked me if my son had Autism. Yes, you heard me right. She asked me about my son without coming to her own conclusions and without making false judgement.

This is the first time I have encountered someone that was able to question the behavior without judging my parenting and being critical. My offering the information wasn't needed. While I was cringing and looking for a quick exit she was connecting and inquired. Maybe she saw the instant fear of rejection in my eyes or the look of complete tenderness in my interaction with him, but she got it and was compassionate. I appreciate this and encourage anyone who is unsure about a situation to ask. It feels better than to have someone gawking or making rude comments.

This lady made my day. Not only was she open to attempt to converse with my son but she was also open enough to ask questions. She wanted to know more which is how we spread awareness and how we open the doors to acceptance. The story doesn't end there because she also looked at me and expressed how wonderful she felt I was doing with my son. This made me feel as if I was invincible even if that invincibility only lasted 5 minutes. It was worth it. So, to the woman in Hannaford I must say thank you. You gave me more than you could ever know just by asking a question and exchanging kind words and a smile.

I read an article today titled , I Have Asked You A Hundred Times!. It really hit home. I have been having a torturous time with my tween. She is just lazy, ridiculously lazy. It drives me insane.
I used to have her take a shower in the morning but she was never ready when the bus came and would be leaving with wet un-brushed hair. I now insist that she take a shower at night but, it is still a battle. Do your tweens argue about a shower? I mean you would think they would want to look their best right? I am so confused, so I decided to take the natural consequence approach.

I asked her to take a shower and if she chose not to that was her choice. I told her that I would not take her anywhere if she was not showered. Do you know the girl didn’t shower for almost a week. She didn’t care that I wouldn’t let her sit on the couch or at the table during meals. She didn’t even get the point when one of her friends told her she smelled.

The end of that was when the guidance teacher called me telling me that she had a smell on her. I explained the issue to the counselor and she assured me that this is a normal phase for tweens. Although she said it usually goes on with boys. I explained how I tried to allow her peers to influence her and it didn’t work. So, now I feel as if I have to be on top of it. I will not remind her anymore. It is now that she takes a shower by 7:30 or she goes to bed at 8:30 instead of 9:30. I think that is reasonable.

My sister recently wrote a post titled The Mom (Super Human) in Me -VS- The Human in Me. I encourage you to read it cause it is a great post. It really hit home for me. I too struggle everyday with my human form vs. my Mom form. Do You struggle with this too? Do you find yourself fighting the urge to say,”That was a stupid thing to do?” when your child trips over the shoe they left in the middle of the floor instead of asking if they were ok? It may sound mean but come on, I know she has brains and I wish she would use them.

I am only human and I am not trying to be mean. I love her so much but the arguing has got to stop. I hate yelling at her and I find myself so frustrated with her actions, or lack of actions that I cannot enjoy her presence.  Does that make me a horrible mother? She wants me to listen to her sing and while I would love that in the back of my mind all I can think about is the fact that I want her to clean her room and take a shower.

I can take a little of the blame for her behavior. I totally cringe in saying that when the going gets tough and I don’t want to fight with her, Mom gets going. Off to do something else, leaving her to do, not what I am requesting her to do, but what she chooses to  do. No, I don’t let her roam the streets, not that she would get far cause we live in the sticks, and I will not allow her to go out. Well, maybe I do … *cringe*. There are times that I am so annoyed and I justify her going out as we both need breathing room. This is just one more excuse.

I challenge myself to be more consistent but not to yell, ummm… or scream. It has to be possible, Right???? So, I shall state clearly what I expect of her and take the things that mean the most when she selectively goes deaf. LOL! Sometimes I find it so hard to try to get control of the situation because I have a special needs son. He takes up so much of my day and somehow… when things get tense with Krystal or I am trying to draw the line, in chimes Chucky and he needs me NOW!!!

How do other moms handle this? I think I might go crazy. I used to think that after you have three children, you can add more and it didn’t effect anything. For instance my “wife” as I call her, used to ask me to babysit “her” two girls, which are really mine, but she would always ask,”Are you gonna be ok? That is a lot of kids.” At that point I would respond with,”Are you kidding? After three extras don’t count. They all occupy themselves and whatever bickering could occur can’t be any worse than with three.” She always thought I was crazy, but now….. forget it. I cannot take on more than one more child.
My maximum child occupancy has changed from unlimited to five. I find myself doing Math and really scheduling things. If Chucky goes to his dad’s house I can have at least two kids over but.. if he is home the parents must stay. I do it at birthday parties too… I am such a wonderful host..LOL… I will see how many moms or dads can stay through the party and lend a hand. Most of them are well aware of the situation and are more than willing to help.

This overwhelming barrier of motherhood involving special needs lets my daughter ignore my requests and since my brain cells died after I had Charlie, I can’t remember anything.  Do you have the same problem? How do you juggle it?