Autism As A Whole

I read an article today titled , I Have Asked You A Hundred Times!. It really hit home. I have been having a torturous time with my tween. She is just lazy, ridiculously lazy. It drives me insane.
I used to have her take a shower in the morning but she was never ready when the bus came and would be leaving with wet un-brushed hair. I now insist that she take a shower at night but, it is still a battle. Do your tweens argue about a shower? I mean you would think they would want to look their best right? I am so confused, so I decided to take the natural consequence approach.

I asked her to take a shower and if she chose not to that was her choice. I told her that I would not take her anywhere if she was not showered. Do you know the girl didn’t shower for almost a week. She didn’t care that I wouldn’t let her sit on the couch or at the table during meals. She didn’t even get the point when one of her friends told her she smelled.

The end of that was when the guidance teacher called me telling me that she had a smell on her. I explained the issue to the counselor and she assured me that this is a normal phase for tweens. Although she said it usually goes on with boys. I explained how I tried to allow her peers to influence her and it didn’t work. So, now I feel as if I have to be on top of it. I will not remind her anymore. It is now that she takes a shower by 7:30 or she goes to bed at 8:30 instead of 9:30. I think that is reasonable.

My sister recently wrote a post titled The Mom (Super Human) in Me -VS- The Human in Me. I encourage you to read it cause it is a great post. It really hit home for me. I too struggle everyday with my human form vs. my Mom form. Do You struggle with this too? Do you find yourself fighting the urge to say,”That was a stupid thing to do?” when your child trips over the shoe they left in the middle of the floor instead of asking if they were ok? It may sound mean but come on, I know she has brains and I wish she would use them.

I am only human and I am not trying to be mean. I love her so much but the arguing has got to stop. I hate yelling at her and I find myself so frustrated with her actions, or lack of actions that I cannot enjoy her presence.  Does that make me a horrible mother? She wants me to listen to her sing and while I would love that in the back of my mind all I can think about is the fact that I want her to clean her room and take a shower.

I can take a little of the blame for her behavior. I totally cringe in saying that when the going gets tough and I don’t want to fight with her, Mom gets going. Off to do something else, leaving her to do, not what I am requesting her to do, but what she chooses to  do. No, I don’t let her roam the streets, not that she would get far cause we live in the sticks, and I will not allow her to go out. Well, maybe I do … *cringe*. There are times that I am so annoyed and I justify her going out as we both need breathing room. This is just one more excuse.

I challenge myself to be more consistent but not to yell, ummm… or scream. It has to be possible, Right???? So, I shall state clearly what I expect of her and take the things that mean the most when she selectively goes deaf. LOL! Sometimes I find it so hard to try to get control of the situation because I have a special needs son. He takes up so much of my day and somehow… when things get tense with Krystal or I am trying to draw the line, in chimes Chucky and he needs me NOW!!!

How do other moms handle this? I think I might go crazy. I used to think that after you have three children, you can add more and it didn’t effect anything. For instance my “wife” as I call her, used to ask me to babysit “her” two girls, which are really mine, but she would always ask,”Are you gonna be ok? That is a lot of kids.” At that point I would respond with,”Are you kidding? After three extras don’t count. They all occupy themselves and whatever bickering could occur can’t be any worse than with three.” She always thought I was crazy, but now….. forget it. I cannot take on more than one more child.
My maximum child occupancy has changed from unlimited to five. I find myself doing Math and really scheduling things. If Chucky goes to his dad’s house I can have at least two kids over but.. if he is home the parents must stay. I do it at birthday parties too… I am such a wonderful host..LOL… I will see how many moms or dads can stay through the party and lend a hand. Most of them are well aware of the situation and are more than willing to help.

This overwhelming barrier of motherhood involving special needs lets my daughter ignore my requests and since my brain cells died after I had Charlie, I can’t remember anything.  Do you have the same problem? How do you juggle it?