Autism As A Whole

Do you ever wonder if you are failing as a mom? Is it your fault your child is coming home with poor grades when you know she/he knows the work? I am having those thoughts and they are eating me alive. When I started this blog it was meant to provide some insight into the life of my whole family. How it is for all of my NT children to live with a child with Autism. How it affected my children's relationship with me and vice versa.

I mentioned in a previous post about how I felt conflicted. I felt like I couldn't comfort Chipmunk when she needed me and monitor Chucky during his meltdown. Chucky needed me there to ensure that he didn't hurt himself, but Chipmunk needed me there to comfort her. This is really challenging. Am I the only Mom who has this struggle? Well, you are probably wondering what prompted this post.

Today, Princess brought home a 66% on her science test. It was about simple machines and I am certain she understands them. She loves Science. It makes me wonder if she is just having a tough time because of how much of my time is devoted to her brother. I really try to help her with things but it is so hard. I am constantly interrupted and she gets frustrated. I do try and I am trying different approaches. I just am not sure if this is her way of protesting or a teenage issue. I want her to do well. I don't want to have our days filled with one problem after another. I want to be able to enjoy my daughter again.

I have tried to do things with her before she goes to bed at night. We have played her favorite game and sometimes we just sit and talk. Well, she talks cause I can't seem to get a word in edgewise. I think I mentioned this in my Talk-a- Holic post. Does anyone know if there is a talk-a-holic anonymous group? We even started taking photographs in the morning before her brother woke up. She really seemed to enjoy this and so did I. But, unfortunately I think with all of the recent snow days and such things got off track. I am going to try to start this again.

Honestly I think if she did as much listening as she did talking she might actually be able to do the work correctly. Sometimes I think that I am too hard on her, but most of the time she just isn't doing what I know she can do. It bothers me though that I don't have enough patience, arms, legs, mouths, hands, or ears to give equal attention to all of my children. I guess tonight I just feel inadequate. Inadequate as a mother. Incapable to do this job that is in front of me. Can anyone relate? The job of motherhood with multiple children is hard enough but when you add special needs children to the mix, I think it can become overwhelming and very very challenging.