Autism As A Whole

I read a blog today that reminded me of my son. I am sure that those parents whom have had a child that was non-verbal but now speaks can relate. My son was entirely non-verbal until he was three and a half. We could not understand a thing he was saying until he was almost four, and he was classified non verbal until the end of Kindergarten. I remember when he couldn't speak.

I remember him screaming constantly and pulling on my leg. I remember the chair being overturned because I couldn't figure out what he needed or wanted. It was so frustrating to know he needed something and I couldn't figure out what he wanted. I am sure if it was hard for me it was ten times harder for him. Anyways, I even remember wishing he would speak. Listening intently to every sound that came out of his mouth in hopes to hear a Mama or something. I would sit with him for hours trying to make animal sounds and attended every speech appointment sitting through each session determined to hear that first word. I learned sign language to attempt to open communication for him and carried thick folders of PEC Cards around with me. I was determined to hear my son speak.

When I first heard my son say,"I ov ew om"(I love you mom) for the first time and it made me cry. You would think that would be enough but no, I wanted more. More words, more sounds, more interaction. LESS SCREAMING!!! Well, I think that I got what I was asking for and I should warn you to be careful what you wish for. My son is very verbal. He has difficulties maintaining a two way conversation but he can talk. He can talk your ear off. He will go on and on and on and on about the same thing for hours. Now, when he first started talking you had to listen VERY carefully and it had to be quiet in order to hear his whispers. Now, forget it.... You can hear my son in the next town, OK maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe, but I don't think so. When we tell him to lower his voice he whispers so low you can't hear him. Hmmm... NO VOLUME CONTROL!!

Last summer our cat died and we had to explain that she would not wake up. We buried her in the yard and showed him where she was. All seemed to go pretty smooth but he would talk to her all the time and was obsessed with death for a while. I had to go to a funeral and didn't have a sitter so I brought him along. Big Mistake!! The man who had passed had a young daughter (13 yrs. old). My son yelled really loud, in the funeral home, that she wouldn't see him anymore he was going in the dirt and worms would eat him. Oh Boy... ummm... I had to be grateful that most people couldn't understand him and I didn't know what to say. All I could think was,"Well, you wanted him to talk"LOL...

Then as if that wasn't bad enough, we had company over for dinner and cake for dessert. The girl is a good friend of the family. She comes over a lot and she adores my son, which is why I felt so helplessly sad when he decided to open his mouth....again!! We were having chocolate cake, my son doesn't eat too much of this, when he looks at the girl and say,"Me no eat all cake me be fat like you" I tried to address his words promptly but I was a bit shocked that he said that and when I tried to explain how rude that is he didn't understand. I then told the girl that he wasn't meaning to offend her. She calmly, but swiftly pushed her cake away and said she didn't like it. I felt horrible that my son would say something like that. He tends to do it a lot.

Image by Frozen in Time Photographers via FlickrThe other day we had her over again and my son had just received a new orange exercise ball. His favorite color is orange so he is very attached to the ball. I guess the girl tried to sit on his ball and he told her,"You too fat you pop it" I again told him that the word fat is a rude word. Does anybody know how to teach them about what is acceptable to say? My son will scream as loud as he can that he has to go poopie , in the middle of the store. Whatever thoughts pop in his head, you can rest assured you will hear them.  It is like he cannot control it. Thoughts please????

• My son is sick....:( he says his belly and forehead hurts.
• He doesn't want me to touch him- That is so hard.
• Kids are home from school...the damn snow doesn't like me.
• The school district sucks
• Co-Parenting is only Co-Parenting when it involves both parents working together
• Worrying about my oldest son and what he is going through
• My daughter is almost a teenager and not only does it make me feel old but it is really scary.
• Thinking about how I could grow an extra set of ears and arms.
• Well......there is a lot on my mind but I think you are probably bored already.
• Thinking about how wonderful my blogging family has been with the supporting comments and advice.
• Wait one more for ya... Since I am on the phone with If This Is Motherhood, unfortunately bowel movements in adults are on my mind as well. Thanks a lot. Just another highlight to my wonderful begining of a new year.

Image by roberthuffstutter via Flickr

My four angels are all equal and special to me. The oldest was an only child for five years and then I gave her a sister. Her sister was the easiest child I have ever had. Maybe I should have stopped at two is what I think in my down in the dump moments. But, then I ponder this.... What if I didn't have to go through the struggles I have gone through? What if I didn't have to deal with Early intervention. What would my life be without my wonderful boys?

I read an article today titled , I Have Asked You A Hundred Times!. It really hit home. I have been having a torturous time with my tween. She is just lazy, ridiculously lazy. It drives me insane.
I used to have her take a shower in the morning but she was never ready when the bus came and would be leaving with wet un-brushed hair. I now insist that she take a shower at night but, it is still a battle. Do your tweens argue about a shower? I mean you would think they would want to look their best right? I am so confused, so I decided to take the natural consequence approach.

I asked her to take a shower and if she chose not to that was her choice. I told her that I would not take her anywhere if she was not showered. Do you know the girl didn’t shower for almost a week. She didn’t care that I wouldn’t let her sit on the couch or at the table during meals. She didn’t even get the point when one of her friends told her she smelled.

The end of that was when the guidance teacher called me telling me that she had a smell on her. I explained the issue to the counselor and she assured me that this is a normal phase for tweens. Although she said it usually goes on with boys. I explained how I tried to allow her peers to influence her and it didn’t work. So, now I feel as if I have to be on top of it. I will not remind her anymore. It is now that she takes a shower by 7:30 or she goes to bed at 8:30 instead of 9:30. I think that is reasonable.

My sister recently wrote a post titled The Mom (Super Human) in Me -VS- The Human in Me. I encourage you to read it cause it is a great post. It really hit home for me. I too struggle everyday with my human form vs. my Mom form. Do You struggle with this too? Do you find yourself fighting the urge to say,”That was a stupid thing to do?” when your child trips over the shoe they left in the middle of the floor instead of asking if they were ok? It may sound mean but come on, I know she has brains and I wish she would use them.

I am only human and I am not trying to be mean. I love her so much but the arguing has got to stop. I hate yelling at her and I find myself so frustrated with her actions, or lack of actions that I cannot enjoy her presence.  Does that make me a horrible mother? She wants me to listen to her sing and while I would love that in the back of my mind all I can think about is the fact that I want her to clean her room and take a shower.

I can take a little of the blame for her behavior. I totally cringe in saying that when the going gets tough and I don’t want to fight with her, Mom gets going. Off to do something else, leaving her to do, not what I am requesting her to do, but what she chooses to  do. No, I don’t let her roam the streets, not that she would get far cause we live in the sticks, and I will not allow her to go out. Well, maybe I do … *cringe*. There are times that I am so annoyed and I justify her going out as we both need breathing room. This is just one more excuse.

I challenge myself to be more consistent but not to yell, ummm… or scream. It has to be possible, Right???? So, I shall state clearly what I expect of her and take the things that mean the most when she selectively goes deaf. LOL! Sometimes I find it so hard to try to get control of the situation because I have a special needs son. He takes up so much of my day and somehow… when things get tense with Krystal or I am trying to draw the line, in chimes Chucky and he needs me NOW!!!

How do other moms handle this? I think I might go crazy. I used to think that after you have three children, you can add more and it didn’t effect anything. For instance my “wife” as I call her, used to ask me to babysit “her” two girls, which are really mine, but she would always ask,”Are you gonna be ok? That is a lot of kids.” At that point I would respond with,”Are you kidding? After three extras don’t count. They all occupy themselves and whatever bickering could occur can’t be any worse than with three.” She always thought I was crazy, but now….. forget it. I cannot take on more than one more child.
My maximum child occupancy has changed from unlimited to five. I find myself doing Math and really scheduling things. If Chucky goes to his dad’s house I can have at least two kids over but.. if he is home the parents must stay. I do it at birthday parties too… I am such a wonderful host..LOL… I will see how many moms or dads can stay through the party and lend a hand. Most of them are well aware of the situation and are more than willing to help.

This overwhelming barrier of motherhood involving special needs lets my daughter ignore my requests and since my brain cells died after I had Charlie, I can’t remember anything.  Do you have the same problem? How do you juggle it?

Now that the holidays are over, How did yours go? Did you have endless meltdowns or did it go better than expected? I think this is a great blog hop hosted by Adventures in Extreme Parenthood. I think I might add a little thought about how the aftermath f the holidays have been.

Let me explain why... Chucky.... (minus the cheese for this one...) tolerated Christmas very well. We even went to a family dinner and we didn't have any melts. Amazing right? Don't get over excited yet ok... He did wonderful while we were there but lost it after we got home and Christmas day went OK too... There were a couple melts but nothing atypical. Couple days later a maniac entered my home, with inconsolable tantrums and problems sleeping. Today, well lets just say after I picked him up from his dad's house he had a 20 min meltdown. We made his bed with a new comfy and sat in his calm room. He was fine then. I think with some preparation our holidays went well but the aftermath of all the activity will still hit you so good luck with that.

How does your family celebrate the holidays?
The holidays for us are pretty simple. We get a tree decorate it, listen to music (which is almost impossible with my son), and enjoy each other. We make visits to loved ones the day before and stay home on Christmas day.

What changes have you had to make due to raising children with special needs?
The noise level is quieter and my son can open gifts when he is ready. A lot of times he gets overwhelmed. This year I bought less items but they were more expensive. It worked out better for both of us. He plays with what he got and i am not tripping on useless toys that he lines up in the middle of the floor. LOL

If you'd like to join the "Different but not less" holiday blog hop you can do so by writing your own blog post about how your family celebrates the holiday season while balancing the needs of your child with autism or another special medical condition.

Simply add your name (or your blog name) and the URL to your blog post in the Mr. Linky located on her page  and we can visit each other's blogs and share ideas, tips, and inspiration.

Lets get hopping!

I haven't done my recap for the year and have hardly met a year as a blogger but I think I can recap my year for you and it would also serve as a nice insight to my life.
January 2010- 
Much needed daughter time


My son was diagnosed.....



Pumpkin and Chucky Cheese got their hair dyed




       March 2010-
Chucky Cheese turned 4!!!
















My daughter sang in All County!!






April 2010

Buddy

Chucky Cheese

Chipmunk