Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Friday, August 10, 2012

Flasback Friday

8/10/2012 0 Comments

I am linking up with Crazy Mama! for Flashback Friday. 
How is this for a flashback friday? My dad was in Vietnam and after he passed away 
we found many albums of pictures from this era. Enjoy!!
This is my dad wrestling with a Vietnamese child

Posing in a tree

Medics with a child

This is my dad asleep with a baby. I don't think I ever met this child but I now know
that he had other children aside from us.







Saturday, May 12, 2012

Sorry, No Time For Anyone.. Not Even Myself....

5/12/2012 4 Comments
The title of this post is exactly what I told a guy in the grocery store when he asked for my number. Yesterday after I dropped my son off at his dad's house, I went to Hannaford to pick up a few items and cash a check. The line as I walked to cash the check was soo long that I opted to go shopping first. As I went down the aisles I noticed I was wondering and my mind was empty as to what I needed from the store. I slowed down and remembered what I needed but still seemed to struggle to find what it was I wanted to purchase. I think I just have so much going through my head at the time I am really having trouble functioning in society and life. I can't relate to "typical" parents any more and I find it frustrating to even try and discuss what is going on with anyone. That is half the reason I haven't blogged., I can't seem to put my thoughts into words. I don't remember what it was like, before I entered "Holland" , to have a regular conversation. I always seem to be talking about my children or helping someone else get through the beginning stages of acceptance. I need to find myself again, I need to take that time. I am overwhelmed with grief and anxiety that I haven't felt this strong in a long time.

I guess I should update you as to what has been progressing or in better terms regressing. Chucky Cheese has been struggling a lot. It started with his physical therapist calling about concerns and me being the Mama Bear, getting protective. I almost went down the path of denial but.. that would not have helped so I pulled myself together and brought him back to the doctor's. As you might have read in  previous posts here, here and here, he has had some muscle issues going on. This problem has now exasperated into a huge problem. It has gone beyond the typical "autism regression" and is portraying itself as a Muscle Atrophy now. Boy. that sounds pleasant eh? Charles' right leg is visually bowing in. It curves at the hip, at the knee and at the ankle. He is losing complete function of his right leg and has much difficulty doing normal everyday tasks let alone regular six year old boy stuff. I find him constantly falling and he is so unsteady. He is even having trouble riding his bike which I was proud to say that he mastered last summer. I have brought him to the pediatrician, neuro-developmental pediatrician, neurologist, orthopedic, urologist, and a neurosurgeon. Why so many you may ask? My son is currently a medical mystery. No one can figure it out.

He went for a 2 hour MRI which showed a syrinx, cyst of fluid, on his spinal cord from T6 - T10. That is a pretty large span and at its widest point measures 5 mm in diameter. Doesn't sound so big but... Your spinal cord isn't all that huge. He did amazing through the procedure and woke up in a pretty decent mood.






Lately his eating habits have decreased, he lost weight, is losing upper body strength, hand eye coordination and has been having some serious behavioral issues. He is also urinating the bed and himself. This is happening at home as well as school. He was 100% potty trained!!! Can you understand why I am so overwhelmed? The neuro-surgeon does not want to remove the syrinx at this time and suggested a urologist and neurologist. So, I followed his suggestions and still have not found any answers. I am completely frustrated.


I need to tell you how ignorant these doctor's can be and how traumatized I am as a mom and my son as their human guinea pig but I think I have to start a new post for the rest. So.. If I haven't traumatized you already, there is more in my next post. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wacky Wonderful Wednesday-01-05-10

1/05/2011 0 Comments
Wacky Wonderful WednesdayHello again from Wacky Wonderful Wednesday.
There aren’t many rules for this hop I just want you to be able to take a moment in the middle of your week to reflect o some happy or funny thoughts. Yesterday was my Dad’s anniversary for the day he died. It was a really tough day but my son made me smile so I must share.
We have a Facebook friend who has adopted our family. She is a wonderful person and very caring. Around October Chucky Cheese was having a really hard time and was skin picking. This is a self stimming behavior that soothes him. It is also self injury. He had so many digs in his skin and I couldn’t get him to stop. We started using “Magic Stickers” and after a while this was working. When Nana Tammy heard he was doing better she sent him a Trick or Treat booklet of coupons for McDonalds to reward him.
When the envelope came in the mail I explained who it was from. Nana Tammy is his adopted Grandma and Heaven is her daughter. When I said Heaven he got very confused. He started asking if she was dead and in the ground. I explained it farther to him and I think he understood.
Yesterday I was crying and for the first time he asked me why water was coming from my eyes. I told him I was very sad because this was the day Pee Pa went to heaven. He was, yet again, very confused. He said,”So he no send me nothing?” While to some parents this may seem greedy but he wasn’t trying to be. He was associating heaven as the little girl Heaven. It actually was quite cute.  Just thought I would share that with you.
I think it is a perfect example of how literal and how confusing their worlds are. I am glad to be able to have a little piece of his understanding. He also told me yesterday that his doggie talks to him all the time. I can say, he does talk back and I guess it goes hand in hand with the book I got for Christmas. If you want to hear more about that just read A Gift or a Curse. Enjoy your Wacky Wonderful Wednesday and Hop along to tell me your Midweek smiles.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Want Reaction, Don't Look Here...

12/24/2010 5 Comments
How are family gatherings for you with your special needs child? Do you cringe like I do with the thought of going to someone else's house and around a bunch of people? These things are actually kinda scary for me. Then I have to wonder how he will react to things. Will he say thank you and smile when given a present? Will he have a major melt on their kitchen floor? Are these normal concerns? How do you prepare for holiday gatherings?

Yesterday we went to a family dinner, I know scary right? Actually the dinner part went really well and my sister was sure to have a drink that Charlie could have and would like. This shows some awareness and I am so grateful for that. She even made sure that he had a quiet place to go when he felt overwhelmed. She is really good with him. They used their best China (paper plates) which worked wonderful. Not only did it save her on dishes but it made it easier for Charlie cause he didn't have to deal with the noises from the silverware on glass plates. Whew, one more accommodation that, although there were other reasons for it, made it easier for him to cope with the gathering. My sister even turned the music off so that Charlie could eat at the table without his head phones.

Charlie did extremely well last night. I was impressed. He sat at the table and attempted to eat. He ate a lot of sweet potatoes and even attempted to try the Manicotti. Dinner was great very tasty, and it even included a little conversation. Some of this provided by Charlie telling his Auntie that he could eat sweet Potatoes all day long. Mind you he said this quite loud but nobody seemed to mind. Hey, it is better than him screeching or crying right? He then retreated to a room by himself to play in a quiet zone. He was playing with my nephews stuffed animals and talking to himself. It was really cute.

Present time, which happened before dinner was interesting. My kids sat down together to open presents and Charlie was opening but not really excitedly and not paying much attention to what he was opening. It appeared that he wasn't happy with it and that made my sister question her choice for him. Just so you know, he loved it. He just can't express it. He didn't smile, just took his box and walked away. No thank you or anything. I know, that was my big concern. Was he going to appear to be rude or ungrateful?

My sister, a little thrown off my Charlie's reaction, or lack of, decided to take him to a quiet place and open the box. They went into another room and opened it. It was a huge Sponge Bob floor puzzle. The floor puzzles have been an all around wonderful gift for Charlie that he enjoys a lot. His Auntie has been getting him them cause he enjoys them so much. It has kind of become a traditional gift for the two of them. I haven't told her, but I thought about purchasing one for Charlie for Christmas and opted not to in hopes that she would get him another one. She did and when they sat down together to put it together he was so happy. The evening went spectacular at her house.

The over stimulation really kicked in when we left. He had a melt down in the car because we unbuckled him and he couldn't find one of his stuffies. It is ok... we found it. *sigh* When we got home he flipped because he was asleep and we unbuckled him. Oh My he was kicking his feet and screaming like crazy. I wonder what the neighbors thought. Wait, they are accustomed to it now. LOL.. I remember when we first moved here and after a month the lady across the street asked me if everything was OK over here.

I tried really hard to calm him and pick him up but his arms and legs were thrashing inside the car and it was not possible. Meanwhile his sister was sitting on the other side of the seat dodging the feet that were flying towards her face. I, overwhelmed by this, yelled at her to get out. Looking back on the situation, I know that she was probably just as overwhelmed as I was and couldn't process getting out of the car. My boyfriend lifted him out of the car and I looked for the stuffie. I found it and brought it inside.

There in the foyer, was my son screaming at the top of his lungs. I picked him up and rocked him back and forth. He was still so upset so I proceeded to carry this screaming and kicking child up the stairs. I put him in bed and eventually he calmed down and went to sleep. I can't say that was the end because he woke up screaming in a complete night terror mode at 3:30 am. This lasted for an hour and a half. We fell asleep together but I was on the bottom of the bed because he did not want to be touched.

The gathering went very well and I guess even though I felt the aftermath, my son was able to keep it all together for the party. It shows that he is comfortable to let loose while at home and maybe he is learning how to control his behavior in public. All, I know is I was overwhelmed and tired but, I am proud of my son and his strength to get through  such a stimulating event.
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Friday, December 3, 2010

Friday, November 12, 2010

No Superwoman Here (via Motherhood, WTF?)

11/12/2010 0 Comments
I read a blog today that reminded me of myself so I have decided to re-blog it. This is a first for me so after a lot of tweaking I think it has worked. This is an awesome post..If you are a mom I am sure you can relate to these situations. I know I can, and have had similar experiences. The moments are many and well, I humble myself in saying this is one of them.

One of mine would have to be when I had just had my second daughter. We were visiting a friends house and it was the first time we had ever been there. My daughter was only about 4 months old and my other little girl was about 5 years old. We were sitting on the couch talking when the baby pucked on my oldest. She has a very weak stomach, which she must get from me. LOL... Well, when the baby pucked on her it was a chain reaction. I really tried to make it to the bathroom but my 5 year old pucked on me and well, that brought the uncontrollable reaction that my stomach alone controls. It was so extremely embarrassing but something that I can look back on and laugh.

This is not the first time this has occurred but this one is up there on the list. I think the puke "weakness" stands out so much cause my oldest had Gastric problems and was a projectile vomiter. You would think I would have adjusted. Nope... Still to this day it is a chain reaction and if there is someone else to clean it, they are elected. Similar to when my whole house got the stomach flu and I was tossing towels over it and spraying Lysol to cover the smell while I waited for my best friend to come over and clean it up. Ummmm.... a very humbling experience. It would be great to just hear a little about some of your "weak" moments as a mom so we all may appreciate those moments a little more. Maybe not when they are occurring but I find myself laughing about them later.
Generally I feel confident in my abilities to do just about anything. I figure if someone else can do it, then I probably can too. This is the attitude I had at 9 or 10 when I decided the bar in my closet needed to be raised from little kid height to normal height. I got my dad's tools and removed the brackets from the wall, repositioned them, re-screwed them in and replaced the bar. I did a fine job and the bar is still holding strong today, lev … Read More
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Thursday, November 4, 2010

November 4, 2010 - Alien Abduction??

11/04/2010 0 Comments
Today started out as a little hectic. Charlie was NOT motivated and I can't say I blame him as who is motivated at 7 am? He didn't want to get dressed and so I had to try and dress a child that was ever so resistant. After he got dressed he watched his morning show and ate breakfast.  We missed the bus and today I am really not sure how so I drove him to school and dropped him off. Then I tried to visit the school he might be going to in the Fall but they have to schedule an appointment for a tour. I am nervous about next year and it is extremely important for him to be placed in the right school in order for him to obtain the proper teaching so he can learn. This is such a struggle and it rubs off on every other aspect of my life. Being under the stress has made me exhausted and he has been really over stimulated. It has also been so hard on my daughter and I am not even sure that she knows that I understand. I do understand, sometimes I just can't relate as I am so adjusted to it. Well, I have to share the rest of my day because I really think my son was abducted by aliens!! Seriously, I sent him to school and he was having a rough time but when he came home, he was a completely different child. One very small melt and then he was fine. He went shopping with Krystal and I which was a little rough but that was typical. Helped me through the register and Krystal did all the bagging. She is such a sweetheart. I can't believe that in four days she will be 12 years old. Wow... feels like just yesterday!! He got this slimy stuff that makes weird noises and it occupied him all night. I am pretty certain that the aliens will return my son soon, probably tomorrow, but I have to thank them for giving me some time to re-energize and gain the strength to endure it all again  for another unknown period of time until they come and take him again. LOL


Monday, November 1, 2010

My Family Introduction

11/01/2010 6 Comments
I guess I should start with a little introduction into my family. I am a single mom of four beautiful children. I am 31 years old and enjoy photographing. As a child I led a challenging life and thrive to prevent my children from ever having to endure that.


My oldest is Princess, who is going to be twelve on the 7th of November. She loves to sing and has an amazing voice. She is a tomboy and loves hunting and skateboarding. As she was an only child for five years, she finds it difficult dealing with her siblings at times. She is very scattered in her thoughts but is an amazing young lady. Princess had a lot of medical problems when she was young but it has all cleared up now. She had GERD and Bilateral Syndactly. GERD is a gastro-intestinal problem and the Bilateral Syndactly is a birth defect in which the last two fingers of both hands were joined. They were separated at 8 months and again at a year and a half. About two years ago she underwent another surgery on her hands to attempt to straighten the fingers to improve function, unfortunately it was unsuccessful. The latest surgery was for her tonsils and adenoids. She also struggles with borderline ADD. Regardless, she is a beautiful young lady.






My second child was born in August 2003. She is extremely bright and thoughtful. I have thought about having her tested for gifted as she does have a lot of the characteristics of a gifted child. She met all her milestones early and knew how to write her name, recognize her letters and numbers and drew pictures with immaculate detail before Kindergarten. She is sensitive and bubbly. I call her my Chipmunk because she never grew out of her chipmunk cheeks. She also loves to sing and is reading at a Fourth grade level. She is mathematically and artistically gifted but has not been tested yet.






My third child was born in August 2004. We call him Buddy and he is Chipmunk's Irish twin. He was born on the same day, a year later. He had speech delays along with a lot of sensory problems. I might add that similar to his oldest sister he also had the issues with his fingers although his was actually one bone and not just joined skin. His was separated at 8 months and again at 1 year. This was done twice for him because as I called him"My Little Houdini", at 8 months old continually pulled the casts off his hands with his feet which caused them to web during healing. Buddy received early intervention until the age of three and currently receives Occupational therapy in school for his hands. He remains a very demanding child with a lot of sensitivities to sounds and touch. He has ADHD and is being evaluated for ASD.




My last child, was born in March of 2006. I may refer to him as either Chucky or Chucky Cheese depending on the circumstances and his mood. LOL He was named after my father whom he never met. He is an amazing young man but very challenging. He has High Functioning Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, Hypotonia, and an anxiety disorder. While he can now speak, is potty trained and able to do simple one step tasks he struggles to get through each day. Therefore my other children also struggle too. Chucky Cheese was born 3 weeks early at a healthy 7 lb. 12.9oz. He failed to meet any milestones on time. He couldn't  hold his head up, rarely smiled at you, and didn't coo. The only vocalization out of my son was screaming. He was most content sitting in his swing rocking side to side. Early intervention started when he was 8 months old. He remains in a special needs school and is functioning at a two and a half year level. He has taught me a lot in his four years. Patience must be the first and well, unconditional love is right on top too.  




It takes a lot to maintain a household and keep harmony and I have realized that Autism, ADHD, is not only a feat for the parents but also the siblings involved. Unfortunately in the mess of things there is always the child that feels he/she is not getting attention. In my case that falls on my girls cause they do not demand my time as much and they can function. I want to make this better but I really am not sure how. Most of all what a lot of people forget is that it is most difficult for the child who has it.


I hope this blog gives the whole story into a household with Special Needs children. It isn't just about the child with the disability but also the others that live with it and deal with it each day.
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