Autism As A Whole

Due to the way disqus posts their comments and partially cause I am just so damn indecisive, I have decided to go back to Intense Debate. I enjoy being able to see and easily click on my fan comments (I feel special!!)to be directed to their site. I apologize for the loss of everyone's comments but they really are not lost. You just cannot see them. This is my change for the New Year. I promise there will be many more I just can't make up my mind on which ones.

Well, It is New Years Eve and this time of year is a little bittersweet for me. On January Fourth 2005 my Dad passed away. There was anger, resentment, fear, sadness, despair, and even regret. I was angry that he was gone, I regretted not having visited enough, although I did have three young children. I think to be able to move forward I had to be thankful that I had the chance to know him and grateful he met most of my children. I am please to say that my dad and I were able to talk about the past and put it behind us in order to attempt to have a  relationship. Within a year of having my dad really involved in my life he died. It just wasn't fair. But, it was his time and he doesn't suffer any more. I am deciding to attempt to move forward in my healing and go visit him on Saturday. I won't stay for an hour like I usually do and maybe I won't even have much to say, but I will tell him I love him. I will let my children talk to their Pee Pa and I will bring him a cup of Dunkin Donuts Coffee.

Just wanted to reassure everyone that I survived a night without sleep. We started getting ready at 6:00 am and got there at exactly 8 am but.... I forgot the script and they wanted to reschedule. My son has an amazing doctor cause they faxed it over immediately. He was not happy with the test and had a screaming fit in the office. The tech was not sure she could get it done. After about a half hour she got him calm enough to start. It was great. The lady that worked with him was so patient and understanding. I wanted to post some pics of his testing. The tech was very flexible and even allowed me to take pics.

I was starting to twitch while eating my pizza

Up all night

Still not bored with Mario...Mommy is sleepier than me!!

I got to help put the sensors on

Taking pics

I am sitting here and it is now 3:15 am ans so far it has been a success. He is still awake and so am I. I have a pounding headache, have drank way too much coffee and I am losing my patience. I think it is because I am so tired, but my twelve year old decided that she couldn't sleep which, in all honesty, means she will not be pleasant in the morning. I can't seem to drink enough coffee. My daughter is the queen Talk a Holic. I really am not trying to be mean but seriously, she cannot stop talking for five minutes.  Again, it could be that I am cranky cause I have been up since 6:30 am with the children and it is now 3:30 and I remain awake. WTF?? Are they trying to torture me? I just cannot wait for it all to be done. This way I can figure out how to help him.

Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go as planned? Have you ever seen something happening in slow motion right before your eyes, but you cannot stop it from happening? I had one of those days. 

I received a book for Christmas and it really hit home for me. It is called The Soul of Autism by, William Stillman. This book incorporates many of my views and opinions regarding Autism. The first chapter however caught me off guard. I guess I was in a pessimistic mood cause when I read, "The World Needs Autism", I thought,"Yeah like I need a hemorrhoid on my ass!!" Hey we all have good and bad days right. I just wasn't in a yeah Autism sort of mood, although after reading this chapter I pulled myself back together.

The author discussed how our society has been working and all the problems it has with being different. Look at the minority groups, why is there such an issue with them? It is because it is not the majority. Most people are not like them. Do we really want our children to conform to this society. Yes, we want them to learn and be productive, but do we want to lose who they are to achieve that? I do not and have stressed before that I don't want to cure my son's Autism. I want to help him cope with it, which means bringing awareness to this issue.

Many people assume that people with Autism on all levels are intellectually inferior. So many parents were told their child would never speak or communicate and were better off institutionalized, but that was not the answer. These children are very intelligent, unfortunately they just cannot express or sometimes verbalize any of it in a way that is socially acknowledged or accepted. For example my son used to scream and point when he wanted something and many other Mom's would tell me I should insist that he ask properly but he really couldn't. The other Mom's felt I was allowing him to act this way.

It goes much deeper than that on all levels. Do you ever look at your child when they are "in their own world" and wonder what they are thinking about? When they suddenly start screaming for what seems like no apparent reason, Do you wonder why? In this book he talked about a spiritual renaissance. He feels that many people with autism have a deeper connection to the spiritual world that is very pure. It is so pure because it comes to them naturally. They don't ask for it or even know what to do with it but it is there.

He talked about a child who would scream and cry out of nowhere until one day he told his mom via a communicator that someone died and he heard it on the radios in the police car. I know that my son can hear things that I cannot but how much does he hear. I wonder if the children that are non verbal have to be that way because it is too much to process all of the spiritual traffic in their minds or do they have to be silent to continue this transmission of information. Maybe it is their purpose to lead us to an evolution. After all if the rates continue to climb like they are there will be more people with Autism on this planet than without.

I have looked at all the negative aspects Autism seems to have had on my life and I look at the flip side as well. Sometimes we as parents get fixated on how many skills our child is lacking. I do it, all the time, but it is important to also focus on their abilities. They do have them, it is just a little harder to unveil. My son is a gift and he holds a gift. His gift is wrapped underneath many different colors and textures of wrapping paper and someday, I will be able to unveil it and know for sure what it is, but I guess I must be patient, loving and accepting.

Buddy couldn't sleep. Santa was on our roof!!!

She got so excited. Chipmunk with her IPod

The Fire Truck

Chipmunk got me this for Christmas.

Chucky Cheese got his IPad and he was very happy with it! He usually doesn't smile when getting presents  but here, he is smiling!!

See that smile?

I have a tradition of cooking a ham for Christmas. It usually turns out really god but, this year not so much. I put it in and left it there for four hours. No, this was not a whole ham. It was a spiral cut precooked ham. What was I thinking? I have never cooked a ham for four long hours. It smelled good and there wasn't any smoke, but the ham was black. I was so upset.

This was a minor infraction on my holiday but it seemed so important to me!! I wanted a new ham. I sat down and moped. Yes, I moped and was close to tears over a ham. I had anticipated it to be a nice dinner. It was now ruined!! I know, I am so dramatic right? Well, my boyfriend did the sweetest thing. He doesn't celebrate Christmas so it wouldn't have mattered to him but because he saw how important it was to me he had to take action.

My boyfriend and roommate decided they would go buy another ham. It was around 7 pm on Christmas Eve. While he went to the store the boys had insisted on having some ham. I cringe to say that I fed them some of the burned ham. They thought it was fine. The girls wanted nothing to do with it and I can't blame them.  They are troopers!!! He said he went to three different stores and they were all closed. Finally he caught one that was open and bought the last ham they had. Yippeee!!!!! I recooked it and it turned  out perfect. All of that and the kids were too excited to eat but us adults had a wonderful meal. LOL.....

I am grateful that they would go out that late on Christmas Eve and buy a new ham for me. It was wonderful!!!

How are family gatherings for you with your special needs child? Do you cringe like I do with the thought of going to someone else's house and around a bunch of people? These things are actually kinda scary for me. Then I have to wonder how he will react to things. Will he say thank you and smile when given a present? Will he have a major melt on their kitchen floor? Are these normal concerns? How do you prepare for holiday gatherings?

Yesterday we went to a family dinner, I know scary right? Actually the dinner part went really well and my sister was sure to have a drink that Charlie could have and would like. This shows some awareness and I am so grateful for that. She even made sure that he had a quiet place to go when he felt overwhelmed. She is really good with him. They used their best China (paper plates) which worked wonderful. Not only did it save her on dishes but it made it easier for Charlie cause he didn't have to deal with the noises from the silverware on glass plates. Whew, one more accommodation that, although there were other reasons for it, made it easier for him to cope with the gathering. My sister even turned the music off so that Charlie could eat at the table without his head phones.

Charlie did extremely well last night. I was impressed. He sat at the table and attempted to eat. He ate a lot of sweet potatoes and even attempted to try the Manicotti. Dinner was great very tasty, and it even included a little conversation. Some of this provided by Charlie telling his Auntie that he could eat sweet Potatoes all day long. Mind you he said this quite loud but nobody seemed to mind. Hey, it is better than him screeching or crying right? He then retreated to a room by himself to play in a quiet zone. He was playing with my nephews stuffed animals and talking to himself. It was really cute.

Present time, which happened before dinner was interesting. My kids sat down together to open presents and Charlie was opening but not really excitedly and not paying much attention to what he was opening. It appeared that he wasn't happy with it and that made my sister question her choice for him. Just so you know, he loved it. He just can't express it. He didn't smile, just took his box and walked away. No thank you or anything. I know, that was my big concern. Was he going to appear to be rude or ungrateful?

My sister, a little thrown off my Charlie's reaction, or lack of, decided to take him to a quiet place and open the box. They went into another room and opened it. It was a huge Sponge Bob floor puzzle. The floor puzzles have been an all around wonderful gift for Charlie that he enjoys a lot. His Auntie has been getting him them cause he enjoys them so much. It has kind of become a traditional gift for the two of them. I haven't told her, but I thought about purchasing one for Charlie for Christmas and opted not to in hopes that she would get him another one. She did and when they sat down together to put it together he was so happy. The evening went spectacular at her house.

The over stimulation really kicked in when we left. He had a melt down in the car because we unbuckled him and he couldn't find one of his stuffies. It is ok... we found it. *sigh* When we got home he flipped because he was asleep and we unbuckled him. Oh My he was kicking his feet and screaming like crazy. I wonder what the neighbors thought. Wait, they are accustomed to it now. LOL.. I remember when we first moved here and after a month the lady across the street asked me if everything was OK over here.

I tried really hard to calm him and pick him up but his arms and legs were thrashing inside the car and it was not possible. Meanwhile his sister was sitting on the other side of the seat dodging the feet that were flying towards her face. I, overwhelmed by this, yelled at her to get out. Looking back on the situation, I know that she was probably just as overwhelmed as I was and couldn't process getting out of the car. My boyfriend lifted him out of the car and I looked for the stuffie. I found it and brought it inside.

There in the foyer, was my son screaming at the top of his lungs. I picked him up and rocked him back and forth. He was still so upset so I proceeded to carry this screaming and kicking child up the stairs. I put him in bed and eventually he calmed down and went to sleep. I can't say that was the end because he woke up screaming in a complete night terror mode at 3:30 am. This lasted for an hour and a half. We fell asleep together but I was on the bottom of the bed because he did not want to be touched.

The gathering went very well and I guess even though I felt the aftermath, my son was able to keep it all together for the party. It shows that he is comfortable to let loose while at home and maybe he is learning how to control his behavior in public. All, I know is I was overwhelmed and tired but, I am proud of my son and his strength to get through  such a stimulating event.