LOST IN THE BALL
I'm in a cage ball, I can't seem to break
It rolls around the path that I take
But yet it doesn't break, not even a scrape
I just need to escape
I cannot change things
From inside here, I cannot say
The things that I feel
All I can do is look and weep
At life go by and I am meek
The holes I my ball
Release to me the stifling air
That won't let me breathe
But yet I cannot get free
It just won't break
Crying will not make it change
I must fight back, I must release
The pain, the anger, and the hurt
Those feelings that I hold deep inside
To cover all the other's eyes
Of how I feel deep down inside
Then maybe I will be free
Free to speak and act and feel
Free of the caged ball that I call me
It rolls around the path that I take
But yet it doesn't break, not even a scrape
I just need to escape
I cannot change things
From inside here, I cannot say
The things that I feel
All I can do is look and weep
At life go by and I am meek
The holes I my ball
Release to me the stifling air
That won't let me breathe
But yet I cannot get free
It just won't break
Crying will not make it change
I must fight back, I must release
The pain, the anger, and the hurt
Those feelings that I hold deep inside
To cover all the other's eyes
Of how I feel deep down inside
Then maybe I will be free
Free to speak and act and feel
Free of the caged ball that I call me
I wrote this poem and reading it now makes me think about our special needs children. They go through life struggling in ways most of us don't. They have trouble understanding emotions and feelings. Some have no words at all and I cannot imagine not being able to vocalize the thoughts that are swarming in my mind. This brings to light, for me, what many of our children must cope with. They must cope with the inability at times to express their wants and needs. In my son's case he has trouble expressing when he is hurt and where he hurts. There are times he has boo boos and cannot even tell me what happened. It is frustrating for me as his mom so I can only imagine how he must feel.
As Apples And Autobots tried so hard to relay in her most recent post, Apraxia, it is heartbreaking to witness and hard to cope with. I hope that maybe someone can relate. I compare it to a hamster in a ball, rolling around in circles bumping against the walls with no certain destination. This is how I as a mother of a child with Autism feel many times. Actually I think this is how most mothers who have to deal with the schools and doctors and in many cases family when it comes to advocating and explaining their child. How do you think our children must feel as they grope around for words that seem out of reach?
When you see a child that seems to be acting out or bratty, please try to consider why he might be doing this. In some cases it is as simple as lost words that seem so close to grab but yet their arms cannot reach them. Have you ever been sitting down and tried to stand up but your leg is completely numb and you can't walk? Imagine that being your tongue, making it impossible to communicate what you need. Have you ever needed a drink of water but you have a cold and lost your voice? It is frustrating right? This is how my son and many other children live every day.
Have compassion, think before you speak, but most of all don't pity them. I admire them, they go through life with so many challenges and so much prejudice as this is an invisible disorder, but they make it and every day even if it only be for 5 minutes I see a smile and happiness. They don't wallow in self pity and they don't want your pity either. All they want is acceptance for who they are and encouragement for who they can be and all they can, and will accomplish.
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