Family Rejections

My four angels are all equal and special to me. The oldest was an only child for five years and then I gave her a sister. Her sister was the easiest child I have ever had. Maybe I should have stopped at two is what I think in my down in the dump moments. But, then I ponder this.... What if I didn't have to go through the struggles I have gone through? What if I didn't have to deal with Early intervention. What would my life be without my wonderful boys?

I can attest that it would not be what it is now. I would not have the undersxtanding of other parents that are going through a really rough time in the store as mentioned in Mid Life Army Wife's post. I may have been the parent that was looking thinking OMG... get control. That was before I had awareness. That could have been me before I had experienced this firsthand. I think this is part of the mindset that family members go through. I am not saying it is right but, I can remember how I myself felt about my son's behavior before I could figure out what he was dealing with. I remember thinking that I wasn't parenting him right and he was out of control. I truly thought he hated me as a very small child. 

I am not saying that family is right by rejecting our children. It actually makes me sad. My mother has a very hard time with my son. She doesn't even really try to connect with him anymore. My son will not openly invite you to play with him and he may not come up and be warm and inviting when you come over, honestly he might not even realize you are there, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want anything to do with you. He does not have the social skills to interact and he anticipates that if you want him you will go to him. I cry when I think about the wonderful little man that my mother has chosen not to embrace. He is strong willed and very smart. He has a lot of challenges every day that neuro-typical children don't have to overcome but, slowly he is doing it. In the end he has all of the people who have stood behind him and pushed him to keep going to thank. It is unfortunate that she will not be one of those people.

I must be the devils advocate as well though. If you approached someone and they didn't seem the least bit interested would you continuously attempt to connect or would you find yourself backing away? In the beginning it was all behavioral issues that my mother couldn't deal with but now it goes so much deeper. It hurts because we were able to talk a lot when I was younger but now I feel an anger. Anger because my son is tossed to the side only to be mentioned when I speak of him and even then it is a brief conversation. Maybe it is too much for her to handle that her Grandson is not "Perfect", but what is perfect? He is perfect in my eyes. I try to ignore all parental guidance that my mother rarely offers.  Unless you can walk in my shoes, don't tell me how to do it. 

On a positive note, my sister Melissa has been amazing with Chucky Cheese. She will come over and engross herself with him. Even when he doesn't seem receptive , which you can read about here , she still trys. I love this interaction and so does he. I know that there are times that he catches her off guard and she feels a little hurt, but she pulls it together and remembers that he isn't trying to hurt her. I love her for this. She is an amazing Auntie and he is lucky to have her around. I chose to focus on this as well as all the wonderful "outsiders", that I really don't consider outsiders. They are more like my family as well. They give me the strength, courage, and hope to move forward. Anger holds you back.

This post was inspired by: http://spectrummentor.com/2011/01/06/when-your-family-members-reject-your-child-on-the-autism-spectrum/