Ever Want to Tear Someone's Hair Out??

Ever go shopping and have your child completely lose their mind? Sometimes they scream and kick, some days they are stimming all day and others they are on the floor banging their heads. Ugh... Sometimes I wonder why I even attempt to bring him with me. I mean it is predetermined that he will have a meltdown. Something will upset him and he will not be able to control himself. I know this. Damn the child is 5 yrs old. I should know better but I don't.

The other day I went shopping for Thanksgiving. I had to bring Chucky with me. Joy!!! Well I figured I had it all together cause I had a list and knew just what I needed. Nope!!! Didn't happen at all. My whole shopping trip was a complete nightmare. I swear it could be the ultimate horror film.

It started getting the produce, at which time I forgot the apples. I didn't even write it on my list. Sweet potatoes substituted that error. But I ensued on my journey to complete my shopping list. I got everything I needed except the dinner rolls which were on sale. Problem was that they were completely out. I asked a manager who said that they were substituting them for the Freihofer's brown and serve. I thought great deal and I will have to keep an eye when I go through the checkout.

It was at that moment I went to glance at Chucky and he was gone. He disappeared in a matter of seconds. My heart dropped fast and hard. I was calling for him and must have looked pretty frantic as an older woman approached me with her hand on my shoulder saying she saw a little boy over by the frozen pies. A slight sigh of relief as I rushed over and saw him spinning around a rack of stuffed bears and clothes. I say a slight sigh because in a matter of minutes the whole scheme played out in slow motion. I tried to call him over to me as I was walking over to him but before I got too close the phone rang and the rack started tipping. He was not even acknowledging me. OMG!!

This rack was taller than me and contained a lot of merchandise supporting the local school. There were other shoppers right next to the rack and I couldn't even get my son's attention. Again, it happened so fast although I was seeing it in slow motion. The rack tipping and then the lady standing next to the rack jumped backwards. The rack went crash and my son was standing there flapping his hands and jumping up and down. I know I should have felt immense relief. He wasn't hurt and I could visibly see him. But.. I wasn't!! I was overwhelmed and embarrassed. I had so many emotions going through my head that I couldn't feel anything. I was shocked.

An employee helped us clean it all up as other shoppers stood gawking at us. I can just imagine what was going through their heads and some of the facial looks should have gotten smacked off their faces. Well, I went immediately to the checkout. But on my way there was a display of stuffed animals. Oh boy It is my lucky day!!! Chucky really liked them. I told him he couldn't have a damn stuffie tonight. He screamed but I want a damn stuffie!!! Uh Oh... so I convinced him that the damn giraffe would be happier with his friends and rushed to the checkout before he destroy anything else, including my integrity.

He was really bad through the register and I was blessed to be in front of one of the gawking customers from the rack incident. At that point I said loud enough for him to hear me that I had to rush through this to get my son out of the store because he had Autism and was having a very difficult time. I am not sure what is worse, having people gawk and stare with dirty looks or seeing the pity look that took over his face the second he heard the words Autism. I just wanted to get out of the store, so badly that I totally forgot to check the prices of the four Freihofer's rolls I was buying. (which by the way I paid full price for)

Finally, We can leave this god forsaken store!!! I am trying to rush out the door but I had Chucky's hand and so we got to the outside doors and it was pouring. Ugh.. I tried to find my keys dropping Chucky's hand briefly at which time he bolts for the outdoors. Traffic and disaster was all I could think as I grabbed the back of his coat pulling him back to me. FUCK!!! My broken nail snapped backwards and all I could say was FUCK!!! I yelled, Why can't you stop!!! Fuck that hurt. Jesus child, can you please stop fucking with me. Ugh.. deep breathe and as I look up I see another bystander with her mouth dropped and looking at my child as if to say,"aww... poor baby. Your mother is so mean!!!" Now, She didnt say that nor would she have had a chance because I snapped. I screamed at her "Stare, feel bad for him, call CPS!! I don't fuckin care. I'd like to see you live with him for a week and I picked him up and rushed to the car struggling with a grocery cart in the pouring rain.

Did the poor bystander deserve that?? NO!! Absolutely not, but there are many things that I don't deserve either. There are many things that my child doesn't deserve and after that trip I just snapped. Now, just in case by some miracle this person reads my blog, I do sincerely apologize for my temporary insanity. I also hope that this will enlighten many about what many families deal with in a simple grocery trip and why we may at times seem short tempered.