I Am Going On An Emotional Strike!!!

Throughout the past few days I have felt anger, pain, hurt, denial and helplessness. I do not understand why I am feeling the way I have felt and I don't like it. I do not want to feel any more. I just want to be numb. Pass me some tranquilizers. Just kidding, about the tranquilizers but please give me a break. As I stated before Buddy is going to be evaluated and has been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. It isn't the end of the world so why do I feel so crushed. Devastated beyond belief. I don't want him to have these struggles.

I am angry that this is happening and I don't want to accept it. I want him to have it easier and I want to be able to help him. I hate feeling helpless and unable to ease his worries. It is heartbreaking to hear him telling me to stop his head and get rid of the tic. I can't and if I could I really would. I feel like I am locked behind a glass wall forced to watch him struggle with no way of helping him. This is torture. I have to admit it must be one of the hardest things to cope with and I am not doing a good job at it.

I have felt so many conflicting emotions and some that I am not even sure how to describe. I guess it all boils down to the fact that it isn't fair. It isn't fair both my boys have to struggle and it isn't fair that I do not know the answers. I hate wading in dark waters unable to see what is lurking underneath. I do not want to make a mistake. I want to make the right choices. Why can't the answers just appear in front of me. I know I sound ridiculous but I am so done with all of the struggles.

Whew, glad to get that off my chest.....