Autism As A Whole

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Don't Pass Judgement Till You Really Know

Unknown 12/23/2010 7 Comments

Have you ever been in a store and saw a kid screaming on the ground and thought about what hi/her parents were doing wrong? That may have been my son. What about when the child is repetitively spinning and bumping into you at the checkout? Yup, Could have been my son again. Do you remember the little boy that was rubbing your micro fiber pants in the store? Definitely my son!!!

What do you do when you encounter these situations? A lot of people pass judgement and blame the parents, but for my son, it is beyond his control. He hears things we don't and gets overwhelmed with all the stimuli. I think for me it is easier for a stranger to ask a question then glare and pass judgement. I will gladly answer any questions but I am not a mind reader. It is important for people to understand what is going on. It took me almost four years to remotely understand my son and it is still a struggle for me. Please, if you are in the store and a child is seemingly having a really rough time, take the moment to consider the possibilities of what is going on.

I know I must seem ranty today and maybe I am but there are a lot of issues laying on my mind. I am a mother with a special needs child, but what classifies your child as special needs? Do they have to have a special plan in school or a diagnosis? Is gifted classified as special needs or are they just smart ass kids with very lucky parents who have no right or reason to complain?

I feel that gifted children fall right into the same category as my son. They are very smart, but so is my son, he just can't show you how smart he is. A gifted child has the same socialization issues as my son and for very similar reasons. They cannot connect cause typical children seem odd. What is your opinion? Can Gifted children be grouped in with Special needs?

My sister has two gifted boys and she struggles every day with them. Her oldest is extremely smart but wants to do everything his way. He is extremely intuitive and constantly asking questions. I think she must hear the word mom about 50 times every 10 minutes. Nothing keeps the youngest's interest for more than 5 minutes. Buying toys for them, well I have the same problem. For her she wants to find something they will be engrossed with and enjoy and for me I want to find something that my son will be productive with. No, being productive is not lining the books across the living room floor.

There are so many likelihoods between my sister's kids and mine. I like to say we are like an umbrella. She has the top and I am somewhere in the middle. Our children have similar quirks but, hers are gifted, mine has autism. Just to clear this one up, my son is not dumb. He is very smart. Most children with autism are very smart. It is just harder to access it all and they cannot process everything.

Gifted children tend to just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about feelings. My son will do the same thing occasionally. The other day we had friends over and they brought a delicious chocolate cake. My son looked at the girl and told her he couldn't eat it all cause he would get fat like her. I tried to tell him that wasn't nice but he didn't understand. My other sister said I Love You on the phone and he said OK. She was a little offended because the typical response would be I love you too... but my son needs prompting still.

Gifted children are in many ways a special needs child. They learn differently, think differently and are emotionally and socially adrift. Think about that when you tell another parent they are so lucky when they mention gifted. I do!!!

A Letter To Family and Friends From a Child with Autism

Unknown 12/23/2010 2 Comments

I found this to be a great read and actually think it is a great way to explain to loved ones about your child's behaviors. I hope you find it as wonderful as I did.

Dear Family and Friends-

I understand that we will be visiting each other for some get-togethers this year. Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can’t see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.

Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt or silly and out of control, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities. Some may not speak, some will write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are ALL different and need various degrees of support.

Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.

When you try to talk to me, I often can’t understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you – I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to.

Get-togethers are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it’s very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if I had a private place set up to where I could retreat every time I go to get-togethers.

If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people – I just have to get up and move about. Please don’t hold up your meal for me – go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it’s no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating. Sight, smell, taste, touch AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not picky – I literally cannot eat certain foods as my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination are impaired.

Don’t be disappointed if Mom hasn’t dressed me in the best clothes there are. It’s because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else’s house, I may appear crabby. Things have to be done in ways I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn’t mean you have to change the way you are doing things – just please be patient with me, and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside. People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown-ups call it “self-regulation” or “stimming.” I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, tap a string, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, laughing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this “perseverating” which is kinda like self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverating behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.

Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me “stim” for a while as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents’ feelings to be criticized for being over-protective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support and not rude remarks.

Gatherings are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it’s very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don’t possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person – an interesting person. I will find my place at these celebrations that is comfortable for us all, as long as you’ll try to view the world through my eyes!

-Author Unknown

I do not know who wrote this, I do feel it can help so many. Bless the child whose caregiver wrote this letter.

Wacky Wonderful Wednesday

Unknown 12/23/2010 2 Comments

I decided to start a mid-week post to try to reflect on some crazy, or happy moments that just get you feeling giggly inside. It could be a crazy moment that you just wanted to tear your hair out over at the moment but know has you laughing. I really want to try to reflect the small moments that happen when we least expect them. I know I am posting this a little late and so I plan on keeping it open until Friday this way we can all hop along. Please be sure to grab the linky and if everyone enjoys this we can do it every week.

It was such a long day and my son had a Christmas play today. It was so wonderful!!! I mean spectacular and I cried. Call me a sap if you must but I have gone to many little ditties at his school and he usually is the kid all spaced out standing there while everyone else was singing and dancing. This year I expected nothing less but yet, nothing more either. I was happy to just see him up there.

I am happy to declare that I was really wrong. My son for about a minute and a half, sang out boisterously with a big smile on his face. He was a little off time but he tried and for the first time I saw him join his class in an activity. He was happy and while he had a really hard time standing there and he only sang in the beginning, but he sang, and that is my "Small Treasure Tuesday". Although that is far from a small treasure on my planet, it is an amazing accomplishment.

I needed to share that because it brought so many emotions up in me. I was extremely proud of my son and, although I don't want to sound conceited, I am proud of me as a mom. I am so hard on myself sometimes and this year has been really rough with the diagnosis, self injury, behavioral problems, and learning issues. Today, my son made it all worthwhile. These moments are my rewards of parenting. I love my kids and my ASD son is amazing!!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Winter Solstice......epic camera fail

Unknown 12/21/2010 2 Comments

Image via WikipediaI was watching the moon tonight and it was magnificent. It is too cold to stay outside too long but I really did try. I think I should have added a sturdy tripod to my Christmas list because the one I have now will not support the weight of my camera with the 500 ft lens x2 on it. Shucks. Occasionaly I can still catch a good shot of the moon but with the position of the moon it was impossible. :( My fingers are frozen and I can feel them burning as they thaw out. Happy Solstice to all!!! This is the first time we have had a lunar eclipse on the winter solstice since the 1600's (456 years!!!). I might post my blooper, epic fail photos in the morning but for tonight I wanted to say Happy Solstice, the shortest day of the year.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Macro Monday

Unknown 12/20/2010 3 Comments

Wow, It is Monday again, I still feel sick and yucky, my head is pounding, I am waiting for fed ex so I cant lay down and here I am blogging. Whew, sorry about the run on sentence but that is just how my life feels right now. I feel like it never slows down!! Well, I took some pictures the other night and wanted to share them so here we go. I am a hop along cassidy!! LOL...

Sharing Some Art

Unknown 12/20/2010 4 Comments

“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”

~Pablo Picasso

I was reading bogs and fell across this blog hop created by Michelle from In The Life of a Child. She goes to 5 minutes for special needs every Monday to share some of those ‘kid art’ moments that we all love to share. Magic Marker Monday is for children of all ages and all abilities. If your child made it, they want to see it!

To add your little artist’s work to their virtual fridge gallery simply:

Post a photo on your blog or photo sharing site of your child’s masterpiece or special accomplishment of the week.

Tell us a little about your artist and the inspiration for their artwork or accomplishment in your post or in a caption.

Sign Mr. Linky with the direct link to your photo post.

Please leave a comment on the Magic Marker Monday post at 5MFSN — we love to hear from you.

Click the links shared on Mr. Linky and get to know some of the other amazing little artists in our community.

Please remember to leave a comment on the photos you visit. You’ll help put smiles in the hearts of our families and inspiration in the hearts of our children.

Want the Magic Marker Monday button code? Click here.

Here is my submission... Things were so crazy this weekend so I couldn't have him create a masterpiece but I used school work. This was done hand over hand with a lot of help. LOL...

Created by Charles Alexander - age 4

This is a man in the snow. They read a story and created the scene.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Mall Santas

Unknown 12/19/2010 5 Comments

I took my children to see the Santa in the mall. Yes, you heard me right, the mall Santa. I know, what was I thinking!! I know what goes on with a lot of them. Those shady creatures. I mean come on, take a close look at the pictures I posted!! They were taken 5 - 10 minutes apart. Santa said he had to feed his Reindeer and came back like that!! You would think that they would at least have a uniformed costume. My son actually recognized the difference in his beard. Santa's elves explained that he had to trim it down because he would be eating a lot of cookies soon and they would get stuck in his beard. I understand that Mall Santas get tired at the end of their shift but they really should attempt to play the role for the joy of the children.

The first Santa we saw was very abrupt and wouldn't let the kids sit on his lap unless I stated I was buying a picture. He actually asked my son if Mommy was paying for a picture before he would allow him to sit on his lap. Then he was still very impersonal. I had them take the picture and then he had to take a break. After a few minutes Santa came back and this time he looked entirely different. His beard was real and his suit was vibrant and neat. His attitude was wonderful.

He inquired as to why my son had head phones on. I explained that the mall is too busy for him and the head phones help. Santa seemed concerned that Charlie looked a little spacey and it was then that I explained. It was the sweetest response out of dear Santa. He took the time to talk to Charlie and he didn't even mind if Charlie was rubbing his comfy suit! He was an amazing Santa. So I then had to get another photo done cause I liked the second Santa so much more.

As for the costumes that my boys were wearing, well, gotta pick your battles and I honestly feel that I get stares and odd looks without the costumes due to odd behaviors. It really didn't make a difference. They were happy and Charlie tolerated the day better than most. Hey, maybe I should let him go out as Batman all the time. LOL... He must think it gives him superpowers to handle all the sounds, lights and people. I am not saying we had a meltdown free day but, it was much then I expected and in the end I can classify our outing a huge success even though my kids were in costume and I was so sick. I ventured out to allow them a fun filled day out of the house.

Just a pic to share

Unknown 12/19/2010 1 Comments

Friday, December 17, 2010

What I Want For Christmas

Unknown 12/17/2010 6 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s Special Needs Blog Hop. This is our last blog hop of the year as we are taking the next two weeks off. Tammy From Autism Learning Felt and Stacie from Super Mommy To The Rescue host this blog hop. They created this Blog Hop for Special Needs Bloggers to get together and support each other. Please make sure that you are linking your post directly to the blog hop.

Please follow Tammy from Autism Learning Felt and Stacie from Super Mommy To The Rescue when you join. They are great people and provide a lot of support and insight. No matter what special need your child has, it is easy to feel as if you are struggling through it alone. This gives a deeper insight and this week they want to focus on us as Mom's and Dads. We focus on our children's needs and wants all year round and I urge you to take 5 min or longer if you find this especially hard, to put some thought into what you need or would like for Christmas.

This weeks Theme is What I Want For Christmas:

A winter coat. cause I have not had a new one in like three years. I find myself bundling in layers throughout the winter.
A van cause my car has broken and does not run. It would be better to have a van anyways cause then I could separate my children so they don't kill each other.

I am finding this really hard. I am hitting a road block here. Wait got another idea.

It would be great to have a canon 28-90 mm lens for my canon eos camera as mine broke due to how much use it had. *Umm... yeah, I have an obsession. LOL
An external flash for my camera
A family gathering where everyone showed the same acceptance to each of my children and actually tried to interact with my son.
To have one whole day without a meltdown over something that seems so trivial to me. LOL... that is a joke right?
Almost forgot this one...... 2 boxes of hair dye... My hair is going white and I cannot figure out why.

Okay... I think that is all as it was hard enough to think of that. I almost have a headache from thinking about what Mommy wants. I truly hope that when Christmas morning comes, I have a house of ecstatic children and I can enjoy the sentiment and excitement of the day. My son told me this morning that he wants a new orange bear for Christmas and guess what. I already found an identical bear for him. My daughter said she wants me to have a good day with them. My sister said I should go out and get myself something for Christmas but I just cannot justify spending money on myself.

Well, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and even though the kiddos will be waking us up at six in the morning when we were up until 4 am wrapping presents but try to welcome it and enjoy the laughter and joy that they have. Take a moment to enjoy your family without worrying about all the trivial stuff. I make it a point to put breakfast items in the stocking so that I am not trying to stress over breakfast and stuff. Have a wonderful holiday!!!! Now it is your turn.... Think about it, What do you want for christmas? I can't wait to hear from you. Join the hop.