Autism As A Whole

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Fears of the Unknown

Unknown 6/04/2011 0 Comments

It is finally the end of a very long and eventful school year. I have found myself counting the days till the children get out of school. Sometimes I am thinking,"Oh my, how am I going to survive the summer?" and other times I find myself relieved that the school year is at an end. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me for the summer and so I really need to come up with an at home therapy schedule. I don't want it to seem like work to them but I want them to continue progressing through the summer. It is heartbreaking to see them regress. I also know that if they are going to regress, it is just going to happen and there might not even be a way to prevent it. It is all part of the territory.

Chucky Cheese is going to start Kindergarten in the fall which is very scary. I had a choice on where I wanted him to go to school and I just hope that I made the right choice. That is where fear comes in. I fear the choices. I wonder if I made the correct choices. I question my decisions every day but I know that I am only human. I think that is what helps you get through. You know in your heart that you may make a mistake but you are only doing what you feel is the right thing. It is the fear of the unknown. Chucky Cheese has made tremendous progress and I am ecstatic! It makes me happy to see him really playing with another child even if it is a rare occasion. I enjoy the hugs and the snuggles that I get now because I know what it feels like not to have them.

Buddy has also made some progress. As many of you know it has been a roller coaster year for him and he will probably remain in first grade. I encourage him and his accomplishments and I also make sure that he understands what is going on. He understands that staying in first grade is not his fault. It is only for his benefit. The school failed him, he did not fail at school. Hopefully, with a lot of intervention, he will achieve many things next year. Slowly, I am regaining my son back. I see him smile more and try to interact again and I know how much of a a gift this is. He has many struggles but he is a very strong boy and very loved.

Buddy was officially diagnosed with Tourettes, Aspergers, and Cri du Chat!! I wasn't looking for all of this but I needed answers. Now, I find myself fearful of answers. I am unsure if I want to have any more testing done. I don't know if that is a normal feeling, but I really don't see how any more testing is going to mean anything. It is just a bunch of letters bunched into words to provide answers but many of these answers have no solutions. I hope for a very progressive year next year. I know my boys can accomplish anything they want to and with a lot of love and encouragement it will happen. Buddy just has to be taught to be comfortable in his own skin. He is who he is and no one can change that.